948 jokes / double-meaning
KT #728 - GREG FITZSIMMONS / 22 July 2025
My dad's been really struggling with trans pronouns, but he finally got it right, dude.
He said, "I hate them."
KT #756 - JIM NORTON + IAN FIDANCE / 17 Feb 2026
I read where A-Fex Twin now had more monthly listeners on YouTube than Taylor Swift. My
My only question is, which twin is it?
KT #760 - STEVE0 + TIM BUTTERLY / 17 Mar 2026
"This town is not big enough for the both of us,"
said two clinically obese people.
KT #761 (HOUSTON) - ADAM RAY + KIM CONGDON / 24 Mar 2026
My girlfriend, when I met her, she was way out of my league, so I found out everything I could about her, man. I found out that she was really into animal rescue. So 2019, fuck it, bro. Rescue 34 cats, bro.
Sometimes you have to save the kitty to eat the kitty.
KT #692 - IAN BAGG + TYLER FISCHER
A lady broke my heart recently. She said she'd always be in my corner, but she's not, she left, she's not in my corner. She left. But you know what's always been in my corner? You know what's actually in my corner?
Stiff socks.
KT #708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN / 25 Feb 2025
Yeah, man, I heard that ICE is detained and Latinos that look illegal, man. That's why I tell everybody that I'm a trans, you know? Not the kind that chops your dick off. The kind that's really good at Rubik's Cube.
Yeah, I'm a translation, man.
KT #731 - SHANE GILLIS + MATT MCCUSKER / 12 Aug 2025
But I think it's too late, you know, I think people would take notice that I Pacificly hung out with 13 year old Jewish boys.
I'd say no, I just want to party with them.
KT #745 - JAMES MCCANN + JEFF DYE / 25 Nov 2025
Did you guys know that most of the fentanyl was manufactured in Japan? I was surprised at the beginning but it kind of makes sense that they were making it in Japan because police in Japan would never realize if Japanese people are high on fentanyl
or just being really, really respectful.
Kill Tony #133 (Josh Adam Meyers, Moshe Kasher) / 28 Dec 2018
But this old twang can get you in trouble too, especially when I abbreviate raccoon.
KT #673 - JOE ROGAN + MATT MCCUSKER / 23 July 2024
Recently went to a basketball game, and they did the wave there.
I've never seen a crime wave in person before.
KILL TONY #578 - DAVE ATTELL + GREG FITZSIMMONS + IAN FIDANCE / 11 Oct 2022
The only fruit to pick there are the queers.
KT #692 - IAN BAGG + TYLER FISCHER
She asked me if I had some.
I said, when I'm in danger, I call 911.
KT #723 - DAVID LUCAS + CRISTINA MARIANI
My girlfriend, she froze her eggs recently for family planning, right? Turns out that shit cost $14,000, man.
I guess these egg prices really are high nowadays,
KT #742 - SAM TRIPOLI + TIM BUTTERLY / 4 Nov 2025
And people get frustrated with me. Like, is your head up your ass?
And I'm like, I'm trying.
KT #768 - SHANE GILLIS + JAMES MCCANN / 19 May 2026
I would never do human trafficking
because I hate regular traffic, you know?
KT #754 - BERT KREISCHER + RICK INGRAHAM / 3 Feb 2026
There's a lot of ice on the road and not just the good kind. Not just the brave men and women who are trying to make sure these sexy Latinas don't suck her cocks.
But the bad kind that enters your home without a warrant.
KILL TONY #487- FIRST AUSTIN SHOW! / 12 Jan 2021
Richard Nixon is so sexy, Frost couldn't cool him off. No history people, that's a
KT #673 - JOE ROGAN + MATT MCCUSKER / 23 July 2024
I love being Asian, very tough to be Asian. You know, you guys come home drunk, you can eat whatever the fuck you want. I have to eat food with chopsticks.
Whiskey makes my chopsticks go soft.
KILL TONY #487- FIRST AUSTIN SHOW! / 12 Jan 2021
hell of a joke for people that know history. G Gordon Liddy broke into the Watergate Hotel but he couldn't break into show business so you tell me how
life isn't fair. For Christmas this year I'm going as Santa Claus.
KT #703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS / 4 Feb 2025
No pun intended, man.
Because that's a field.
