Jokes
6954 jokes
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6954 jokes
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“"Them" can mean the correct pronoun or an expression of hatred toward trans people.”
My dad's been really struggling with trans pronouns,
but he finally got it right, dude.
He said, "I hate them."
“An empty inbox could be child predator avoidance.”
- Give Epstein credit where credit is due.
The guy had zero spam in his inbox.
“No Viagra spam could be erectile hopelessness recognition.”
Meanwhile, StubHub e-mails me every hour asking,
"Wanna go to 17 concerts this weekend?
I don't even get Viagra spam anymore."
“Epstein hospitality could be protecting abused children from scary guests.”
Did y'all see the email where Jeffrey Epstein's assistant asked him if they should invite
Brian Reichel to the next big island party?
Epstein replied, "Hell no! Redman might frighten the kids!"
“Liking trans people implies solidarity, but reveals wanting a new dick for himself.”
"I like trans people, dude. I get it.
I want a new dick too, man.
I hate my dick, dude.
“A Brooklyn time machine implies cultural immersion, but reveals armed robbery.”
>> I was out in New York City and while I was there,
a couple of my buddies wanted to go on a wrap tour to
see where all the Brooklyn rappers grew up.
So we went there and while we were walking around,
my buddy goes, "Hey man,
wouldn't it be sick if we had a time machine right now?"
I said, "Why?" He goes, "Because then we can go back in time and then be part of
the culture when they were alive and walk around the same footsteps as they did."
I was like, "Yeah, I'm all right on that, dude, to be honest.
I'm just as a white guy from Canada,
I'm not going back to a Brooklyn ghetto in the late 80s to get robbed at gunpoint."
“A housekeeping note implies serious business, but reveals stolen scooter report.”
Quick housekeeping note,
probably not the best timing,
but when I was in Tucson recently,
somebody stole my razor scooter,
“An arrest comment implies denial, but reveals a complaint about physical injury.”
An Orlando man was arrested for indecent exposure after neighbors saw him having sex with a
vacuum cleaner. When asked to comment on his arrest, the man said, "My balls are gone."
“A drag show contains foot-in-butthole acts is widely understood but rarely described as a highlight.”
I went to a drag show for the first time.
Oh, my God, it was amazing, dude.
I saw a lady put her foot in her butthole.
I didn't even know that was an option.
“Threatening violence against someone's mother implies physical harm, but reveals sexual intent.”
Tony, I'm about to be fuckin' threatening violence
against Red Band's moms.
Pussy tonight!
“An Estonian passport could be abandonment paperwork.”
Yes, I'll tell you about my dream.
I want an American passport.
And I need help with that.
To be honest, I just want a passport
where if I go missing, somebody comes looking.
'Cause I have an Estonian passport.
If I get in trouble here, I'm fucked.
“A bong collection could be antique heirlooms.”
I got banned from Antique's Roadshow for issuing death threats after they refused to
appraise my vintage bong collection. The Icecatcher's carved in pink ivory, you pompous prick!
“A brother's nickname could be a gender-flipped athlete.”
- One of my brother's nicknames was
Mr. Brittany Griner Jr.
“"Aphex Twin" can mean the solo artist or one member of a literal twin pair.”
I read where A-Fex Twin now had more monthly listeners on YouTube than Taylor Swift. My
My only question is, which twin is it?
“Sharing a name with a Black TV show implies racial identity, but reveals the comedian can still say the N-word.”
Like he said, my name is Martin.
You recognize me from my TV show,
Martin, as you can see, a lot has changed over the years,
but I can still say the N word.
“A wild athlete is like Antonio Brown because both share talent and instability.”
His name was Jesse, he was an all state athlete,
but he was wild.
He was a combination of Antonio Brown and Kanye West
with a sprinkle of Seth Curry.
“All-white audience is like racist church because both homogeneously white.”
This is looking like a racist Lakewood Church, bro.
“"Not big enough for the both of us" can mean a standoff or two obese people sharing space.”
"This town is not big enough for the both of us,"
said two clinically obese people.
“A Jewish drag queen name could be Ouch Tits because it combines a pain exclamation with drag anatomy.”
I came up with a great name for a Jewish drag queen.
Would you like to hear it?
-Yeah. -Ouch tits.
“Missing TV host's mother implies public concern, but reveals replaced children's host.”
So the mother of a morning show host goes missing,
and all y'all freak out!
Where were y'all when the old Blippi went missing?