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I went to a drag show for the first time. Oh, my God, it was amazing, dude. I saw a lady put her foot in her butthole.

-Happy Black History Month. Got Darnell here. They got that light-skinned feller painting.

- Oh shit, time for the Jewish portion of the show guys.

Oh man, I love being Jewish in Texas guys. I'm exotic here, dude, I am. I've been making shit up, dude.

You know how many times I've seen you girls take those bathtub photos with your foot underneath the faucet and like a half a glass of Chardonnay in the corner, mind you it's a full bottle, eh? And then the little motivational quote of like, "Live your best life, Queen Bee, who you're supposed to be. Like, I wanna have that so bad. I saw a girl have a chartreur-y tray in the back of her bathtub.

He used to tell me how he would torture communists, right? Apparently he used to tie them up naked, throw cold water at them and slap their feet afterwards so they can get pneumonia and die.

My only problem with ICE is that they're going after every minority group except black people. I mean, you're trying to reduce crime.

the gun. Sorry, nervous. So I was talking to my cousin last week and I was asking him, you know, do you have any advice coming from a man's perspective how I can keep things a little spicy in the bedroom? And he said, you know, I like white bitches, we got that in common. I was like, okay. So he said, what I like to to keep it spicy is I like to introduce some racial slurs. So he's like, go ahead and call me, you know. And he comes in and she says,

Kamala Harris does not use the N word because she isn't black.

- I got Roadhead. I did it! And that should be illegal. No one should ever have road head, ever. It's the most dangerous thing that's ever happened to me.

Whoever you vote for is your business. But the sign outside of your house on the lawn

So I was like, I'll try that. I offered it up to my husband and he said,

If you don't know what that means, it's like back in the 1920s, a white man would drive through and hunk his horn at the Black Prostitutes. So he comes in the bedroom now.

I think it's so funny that the new Little Mermaid is gonna be black because that's the one place I'm not afraid of black people is.

And never let her pick the movie

Yo, I love it here. Like, Austin has some of the most beautiful dikes

Then they gave us a gay agenda, nothing against gay people, but we were too young and nobody gave people at that age. Remember the first gay couple on PBS? Burton Ernie. I remember one episode, they had Ernie on there, right? He got a rubber ducky. He just having a good old time. "Hey, Ernie, hey! Then they cut the commercial out of your head.

An Air India flight had to turn around to go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin

I probably would have sucked a dick though.