681 jokes / hyperbole
KT #760 - STEVE0 + TIM BUTTERLY / 17 Mar 2026
And by the way, Red Band, your mama was so fat,
now there's an ozimpic shortage.
KT #757 - MATT RIFE + JEREMY (ADAM RAY)
They replaced the Blues Clues host,
and we stormed the Capitol.
KT #671 - ARI SHAFFIR - MARK NORMAND - H. FOLEY - KEVIN RYAN / 9 July 2024
You could be some random whore, sucking dick in Pakistan. If you go missing, bro, Navy SEALs in the night. Night vision goggles on and shit,
they shoot Ahmed in the head.
KT #708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN / 25 Feb 2025
I think I'll be the most annoying person to deport on a flight, like, "Oh, man, I know I don't have any rights, but can I at least get the window seat and an extra foil blanket? I want to go back into my country looking
like an illegal Pop-Tart, you know?"
KT #688 - RUSSELL PETERS + SAM TRIPOLI / 22 Oct 2024
I can't wait to find out how to strap a fleshlight to a Roomba,
'cause then it's over for you, hoes.
KT #692 - IAN BAGG + TYLER FISCHER
I met a nice lady the other night. She told me that she had a mommy kink and that's great for me, that's perfect. I'm kinky.
I have a fucking thing that moves kink.
Kill Tony #206 (Jeff Danis, Ryan O'Neill) / 3 Aug 2017
And I just got a TV.
I've been watching Family Feud like a thirsty dog.
KT #747 - HARLAND WILLIAMS + NICK ROCHEFORT / 9 Dec 2025
Recently I was told taking a bath makes me feminine and if having a bath makes me feminine
then tuck my nuts and call me Danielle
KT #688 - RUSSELL PETERS + SAM TRIPOLI / 22 Oct 2024
You got to rape him.
KT #742 - SAM TRIPOLI + TIM BUTTERLY / 4 Nov 2025
Anyway, speaking of removing a rib, we all know, exactly, we all know that I take out a rib,
I can suck my own dick, but what I do, I take out another rib so I can eat my own ass.
KT #670 - SHANE GILLIS + JAMES MCCANN / 2 July 2024
They can't tell a retarded guy not to talk during the movies.
KT #734 - DUSTY SLAY + MARTIN PHILLIPS / 9 Sept 2025
"Home, please, I have to shit." You don't know how long you can hold in a shit until you're me. And you never know where another bathroom's ever gonna be, dude.
You're like, "Well, I guess I'm never gonna shit again."
KT #724 - JOE DEROSA + ARI MATTI / 24 June 2025
But ladies, if you do have the squirt, which we know by now is pee, we just have one request. Just please hydrate, you know what I'm saying? Drink some fucking water, because don't nobody want that mimosa-ass piss you hoes be havin'. That shit be strong as hell, like mixing Clorox with Fabuloso.
I gotta, I gotta wear goggles or eat your pussy, bitch.
KT #722- BRIAN SIMPSON + YANNIS PAPPAS / 10 June 2025
But it's amazing how I go back to my car and I put on my homemade ice shirt.
Now everybody speak English.
KT #722- BRIAN SIMPSON + YANNIS PAPPAS / 10 June 2025
I go back in there and settle that same lady. "Hey, you know where the deodorant at now?" I go down to get the deodorant. I come back, this bitch ain't gonna start spanking around.
"Howdy, partner."
KT#702 - SHANE GILLIS + MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR / 28 Jan 2025
I was driving my Fiat in the fast lane the other day.
It was a big fucking day for me.
KT #758 - DONNELL RAWLINGS + TREVOR WALLACE / 3 Mar 2026
I'm talking Dallas Bar Club's AIDS, all right?
Kill Tony #109 (Doug Benson, Geoff Tate) / 6 May 2020
I get it though, I get their rage. I get it because those guys have so much pent-up sexual frustration. Like they don't even know what a woman's body looks like. I just like to be 18, the only thing you've ever jacked off to is eyeballs.
You want to blow yourself up too.
KT #754 - BERT KREISCHER + RICK INGRAHAM / 3 Feb 2026
But I understand. Can you imagine the shape you have to be
into to deport black people?
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS / 20 May 2025
He said, "Man, I'd be willing to give you a thousand shekels for your time." Well, let's take a look at her, really. So he, pish, that's never good, you know.
His fucking vending machine comes up out of the bathroom.
