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- I won't let you say horrible though, because you went in with so little expectations and then you delivered like you always do, and you committed. - I committed.

"I like trans people, dude. I get it. I want a new dick too, man.

>> I was out in New York City and while I was there, a couple of my buddies wanted to go on a wrap tour to see where all the Brooklyn rappers grew up. So we went there and while we were walking around, my buddy goes, "Hey man, wouldn't it be sick if we had a time machine right now?" I said, "Why?" He goes, "Because then we can go back in time and then be part of the culture when they were alive and walk around the same footsteps as they did." I was like, "Yeah, I'm all right on that, dude, to be honest. I'm just as a white guy from Canada,

An Orlando man was arrested for indecent exposure after neighbors saw him having sex with a

Quick housekeeping note, probably not the best timing, but when I was in Tucson recently,

Tony, I'm about to be fuckin' threatening violence against Red Band's moms.

Like he said, my name is Martin. You recognize me from my TV show, Martin, as you can see, a lot has changed over the years,

So the mother of a morning show host goes missing, and all y'all freak out!

I've been living in America and it's been awkward for me before Trump. Like I was at a bar, I offered a girl a drink, and I was like, "Miss, let me get you a drink." And no question, she was like, "Sorry, I don't date Arabs."

I heard that ICE is killing white people now, man. What's up with that? You're telling me I can't even hide

Then his wife pipes up and she goes, "Yeah, well, you guys are stupid and you would use a time machine for something dumb like that." I said, "Well, what would you use it for?" She goes, "Well, I'd probably make a difference in the world. I'd use my education to advance civilization. I said, "Oh, that's great, but what would you do?" She goes, "Well, I'd go back in time to the 1400s and teach people modern medicine back then." I had to look at her and go, "At what point do you think a man would ever listen to you They'd be like, "Oh, you have a cure for my ailment?"

Just to clarify, anyway, when I was in college, I took a class, helped in Vietnam War, and there was a little guy in the class who served in Vietnam, and I was like,

The Reverend Jesse Jackson just died, and I'm trying to figure out what he did

Someone DMed me and they said, "Fuck you, fuck the Jews. I don't support bombing hospitals." And I was like, "Yo, that's not me. I'm not doing that. I have no part in that.

I've been married twice, buried my first wife.

I get--I get really emotionally attached after sex,

One time he came back. He had a bunch of cardboard. and he proceeded to dance to the step-up soundtrack for two hours. My parents were so worried. They were like, "Where you been?" He's like, "Don't worry about where I've been. "I'm safe now.

Only thing I ain't like about what Trump was the president, I kept on getting these letters in the mail for like free trips on Carnival Cruise Line, all you can eat chicken and shit.