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- Give Epstein credit where credit is due.

Meanwhile, StubHub e-mails me every hour asking, "Wanna go to 17 concerts this weekend?

Did y'all see the email where Jeffrey Epstein's assistant asked him if they should invite Brian Reichel to the next big island party?

Yes, I'll tell you about my dream. I want an American passport. And I need help with that. To be honest, I just want a passport where if I go missing, somebody comes looking. 'Cause I have an Estonian passport.

I got banned from Antique's Roadshow for issuing death threats after they refused to

- One of my brother's nicknames was

I came up with a great name for a Jewish drag queen. Would you like to hear it?

So, usually, on the show, I come out, and I talk about places I don't like. But when I talk about where people are from, some people don't enjoy that. And I'm gonna tell you, my worst place that I hate the most in all of America is Rochester, New York, right? That place can get blown to smithereens, And three weeks ago on Kirtone, I said, "Fuck Rochester, New York." And I got an Instagram story, and I was tagged in. I'm gonna read to you. This is what it said. He said -- He said, "Suck a dick. You pussy. Fuck wherever you from. I smoke your dads in your face." I'm gonna translate that for white people now, 'cause a lot of y'all look confused. He just said, "Hey, man, suck a penis. Fuck your hometown." and I'm gonna get a cigarillo, unravel it, put weed in it, and smoke it

But with the American one, with that eagle on your shit, you could be in fucking Beirut. You pull that shit out, caw-caw!

Yeah, I'm feeling dangerous tonight, boys. I might fuck around and give a moose a muffin in this motherfucker who's with me, huh?

When I first graduated college, I was just doing random stuff to make money. I tried selling edibles. You ever get so high you forget you sell drugs

My man escaped three mental hospitals

I couldn't afford to go on vacation,

I asked Chat GPT to explain the concept of God in the shortest terms possible.

I love doing stand-up comedy, but sometimes I wish I was a painter 'cause I've never been painting a picture

They were hanging on chandeliers, ripping shit off the wall.

Again, I know I look like a casual terrorist.

Brittany Grimer, that bitch, took weed to Russia, and you were like, "We gotta get our girl back!" Exchange her for an active terrorist, so she could come back and play point guard

Growing up, I didn't have any Jewish friends.