2020-01-27
Set 4 · Episode 431
Gareth Purse House
Bucket Pull
Career avg·12.00 bits/set·14.00 beats/set·0.13 punch density·0.53 tag density·1 set
This set·12 bits·14 beats·0.13 punch density·0.53 tag density
Watch Gareth Purse House’s set
Skips to 40:49 in the episode
[Bit 1]
It's great to be here in all the best parts of entertainment.
We've got most of a band.
We've got morning radio sound effects.
Sometimes a full band, when a toy kazoo comes from the ground,
raises from the grave, takes over Tony and starts singing.
It's a wonderful time.
[Bit 2]
So, back to popularity.
So over the summer, Trump yanked all the troops
out of Syria, right, and then ISIS got loose.
They're knocking on doors, running away or something like that.
I don't know really how it works.
And I thought he should have asked Tony that it was a bad
idea 'cause he has broke the bank relying on the pull-out
method, quickest coming comedian in comedy.
[Bit 3]
Anyway, so I have bad news for the entertainers over there.
I have bad news for the entertainers over there.
The best day of your career is going to be
the days after you die,
when paintings skyrocket in price.
Can I get to you?
It's close.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Painting skyrocket in price.
Red Box starts holding some movie from 1962.
But what about the porn talent?
What happens with them?
just Red Band at home singing, "She was so underappreciated in her time!"
[Bit 4]
That's good. How do you feel, Gareth? Shaky. Shaky? Is this your first time on a stage?
On a real stage, yeah. Yeah. What other kind of stage have you been on?
- I feel like when there's like five comedians--
- I wish it was stage four.
[Bit 5]
Right now I'm trying to figure out--
- How to have the worst Kill Tony set ever.
[Bit 6]
- My last name's Purse House.
It's too long to write.
- What is it?
- Purse House.
- Purse House?
- Wow, too long to write, huh?
- It's two words we all know.
- Wow.
- It sounds like a drag club.
- A drag club.
[Bit 7]
You have a girlfriend?
- I know, but I'm here with a way too hot date.
- Oh, wow.
- Don't tell him.
- Not anymore!
- She's gone.
She's gone, Gareth.
She's fucking, Muhammad is in back of the room right now.
We can all see her.
- No, she's gone.
- She's fucking Indian Brad Pitt.
[Bit 8]
- Do you just have, you only have your height
on your dating profile?
- Yeah, that's it, just.
- Everything else, it starts to drop off fast.
- I mean, you're handsome.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Good looking guy.
- It's helpful.
- Yeah, in a retarded team leader at Target kind of way.
[Bit 9]
- It looks like if Clark can't win to a phone booth
just to call his grandmother.
[Bit 10]
- I had one today where I've been told by,
I was talking to an ex from a long time ago
and she told me that before--
- Talking to what?
- I was talking to an ex.
And she told me that when we first met,
she thought I had, she thought my personality
meant I had a small dick.
And then I talked to another accent,
she told me the same exact thing.
And I just wanna make it perfectly clear right now
that my dick size is private.
[Bit 11]
- She's a real Hot Date now
'cause she just lit herself on fire
in the corner there, I can see it.
It's the hottest date, dude.
[Bit 12]
- Well, I'm really glad you came up here
'cause I didn't think it was possible for me
to hate a man as much as I hate my husband.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“A live show could be chaotic entertainment assembled from incomplete parts.”
Joke Type
reframeLines
setupIt's great to be here in all the best parts of entertainment.
setupWe've got most of a band.
setupWe've got morning radio sound effects.
setupSometimes a full band, when a toy kazoo comes from the ground,
setupraises from the grave, takes over Tony and starts singing.
punchlineIt's a wonderful time.