2026-04-14

Set 13 · Episode 764

Ari Mati

Bucket PullWhiteManMiddle-Age

Career avg·2.40 bits/set·3.40 beats/set·0.53 punch density·1.14 tag density·5 sets

This set·3 bits·6 beats·0.77 punch density·0.89 tag density

Watch Ari Mati’s set

Skips to 1:59:00 in the episode

[Bit 1]

Are we doing good?

You shouldn't.

The war is coming!

Fuck!

Just my luck.

As soon as I get citizenship,

drafted.

[Bit 2]

Just yesterday you guys know that America raised its age limit

to 42 for the draft and prior marijuana convictions don't matter.

Wow what an army you're building.

Some fourty-year-old losers.

[Bit 3]

You know in Estonia we don't have any limits. We have compulsory military service.

We're too small to pick.

Everyone goes.

Wheelchair people, we send them.

Oh yeah, we put a grenade in your lap and...

Come on!

Down syndrome people, we send them.

Oh yeah, we have a whole squad.

Estonian special forces.

You think special forces mean somebody repels down

and has night vision knives,

Nicholas with a soft serve ice cream?

We send them!

We get them all together in a parking lot,

we connect them with a rope.

We look them in the eyes and we tell them,

Listen, they killed Santa Claus.

Everybody goes!

Cripples, mentally challenged, even women.

Gay people, we send them.

I know you guys don't do that.

By the way, the only way I'm going to war is if I have a gay squad mate.

I'm protecting that motherfucker more than the medic.

He's the only one sucking dick back at the base.

Dylan get behind me!

I'm saving Dylan's life.

No faggot left behind.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Earning citizenship implies a new beginning, but reveals a draft notice instead.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupAre we doing good?

punchlineYou shouldn't.

tagThe war is coming!

setupJust my luck.

setupAs soon as I get citizenship,

punchlinedrafted.