2024-09-10

Set 9 · Episode 681

Jake Hayes

Bucket PullLarge Joke Book

Career avg·4.00 bits/set·5.00 beats/set·0.40 punch density·0.60 tag density·1 set

This set·4 bits·5 beats·0.40 punch density·0.60 tag density·Large Joke Book

Watch Jake Hayes’s set

Skips to 1:26:20 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I've been going to therapy recently.

My therapist told me anytime I'm upset,

I need to use I statements.

I don't think that was the best advice

'cause now anytime I'm in an argument, I'm just like.

I've been losing arguments.

You gotta stick to you statements, people.

Like, you stupid bitch!

[Bit 2]

They say abs are made in the kitchen.

I don't really think that's true.

None of the women I know have six packs.

Abundant in the oven, maybe.

[Bit 3]

Yeah, man, women are fertile these days.

They really are, which is why I've been thinking

about getting a vasectomy.

Just wanna be dishwasher safe.

[Bit 4]

Growing up, my dad got me into comic books.

Turns out Spider-Man's my favorite superhero.

'Cause he reminds me a lot of my dad.

Not only is my dad my hero,

but he also hung himself from the ceiling.

Coincidentally enough, he was black,

which I wasn't upset about the whole situation.

I was more so appreciative of the fact

that I'm one of the few black guys

whose dad actually hung around.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“"I statements" can mean self-focused phrasing or repeating the word I.”

Joke Type

double-meaning

Lines

setupI've been going to therapy recently.

setupMy therapist told me anytime I'm upset,

setupI need to use I statements.

setupI don't think that was the best advice

setup'cause now anytime I'm in an argument, I'm just like.

punchlineI've been losing arguments.

tagYou gotta stick to you statements, people.

tagLike, you stupid bitch!