2020-03-16
Set 2 · Episode 441
Dave Lowenstein
Bucket Pull
Career avg·2.00 bits/set·2.00 beats/set·0.33 punch density·3.00 tag density·1 set
This set·2 bits·2 beats·0.33 punch density·3.00 tag density
Watch Dave Lowenstein’s set
Skips to 20:43 in the episode
[Bit 1]
Things just aren't fair sometimes.
I could be at the park with my little kid
and a grandma will come up and say something like,
"Oh, look at him, he's just so precious.
"I just wanna pinch his little cheeks.
"I just wanna take him home with me
"and bake him some cookies.
"I'm just gonna take him home, bake him some cookies.
"I could just eat those little cheeks."
If I said that to somebody's kid,
I'd end up in handcuffs.
Who's watching these grandmas?
Should some of them be on like
the registered sex offenders list?
[Bit 2]
Can you imagine a registered sex offender
who put all that shit behind him,
started a new life, fell in love, had a kid of his own,
that kid got a couple years older,
and then he couldn't go within 500 yards of their school
to drop him off?
All right, little buddy, daddy's good right here.
It's just three blocks up.
You turn left at the gas station,
and if you see anybody who looks like me, run!
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Grandmother affection both sounds sweet and yet resembles predatory child talk.”
Joke Type
contradictionLines
setupThings just aren't fair sometimes.
setupI could be at the park with my little kid
setupand a grandma will come up and say something like,
setup"Oh, look at him, he's just so precious.
setup"I just wanna pinch his little cheeks.
setup"I just wanna take him home with me
setup"and bake him some cookies.
setup"I'm just gonna take him home, bake him some cookies.
setup"I could just eat those little cheeks."
setupIf I said that to somebody's kid,
punchlineI'd end up in handcuffs.
tagWho's watching these grandmas?
tagShould some of them be on like
tagthe registered sex offenders list?