Set 3 · Episode 424
Garrett Ulrich
Bucket Pull
Career avg·5.00 bits/set·6.00 beats/set·0.57 punch density·1.00 tag density·1 set
This set·5 bits·6 beats·0.57 punch density·1.00 tag density
Watch Garrett Ulrich’s set
Skips to 30:28 in the episode
[Bit 1]
Guys, my job has a lot of good benefits.
We celebrate Edible Fridays at my job.
Yeah, right?
I just take an edible and I don't tell anybody on Fridays.
That's what we do.
The problem is I'm a scientist,
which is like, that I shouldn't be doing that.
[Bit 2]
Not a lot of people believe me
when I tell them I'm a scientist, right?
But everybody believes me when I tell them
that I went to four community colleges.
Which is great because I went to six community colleges.
[Bit 3]
I also have a five year old.
Not a lot of people believe me when I tell them that.
But everyone believes me when I say
I only have half time custody of my five year old.
[Bit 4]
She's learning to swim right now.
She likes to dive down to the bottom to get the rings,
but she's too weak to dive down,
so I have to give her a boost.
Which means I have to grab my five year old
and throw her under the water.
Like I grab her and I'm like, ah!
And it's crazy how good it feels.
It's like, (laughs)
it's like this is for every time you made me late.
[Bit 5]
Guys, you know number one dad mugs?
I hate number one dad mugs, right?
I don't need one, I just need one that says
I'm better than your mom, that's all.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Work benefits implies company perks, but reveals secret drug use.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupGuys, my job has a lot of good benefits.
setupWe celebrate Edible Fridays at my job.
punchlineI just take an edible and I don't tell anybody on Fridays.
tagThat's what we do.