Set 13 · Episode 758
Tony Scar
Golden Ticket
Career avg·2.00 bits/set·12.00 beats/set·0.37 punch density·0.69 tag density·1 set
This set·2 bits·12 beats·0.37 punch density·0.69 tag density
Watch Tony Scar’s set
Skips to 1:42:01 in the episode
[Bit 1]
♪ What if I told you there was a place ♪
♪ Where brilliant minds could collide ♪
♪ Where you could be drowning in pussy ♪
♪ Even if you're only the size of Big Mike ♪
♪ Celebrities around every corner ♪
♪ And women that want you bad ♪
♪ Nothing but nines and tens, folks ♪
♪ Would you be interested in that? ♪
♪ Well, welcome to Epstein's Island ♪
♪ I'm sure you won't forget it ♪
♪ I'm trying not to get sued here ♪
♪ So everything I say is alleged ♪
♪ It's always perfect weather ♪
I wonder who controls that.
Probably the guys with the beady eyes
and one fourth of a hat.
If Bill Clinton comes in under four minutes,
there's four more weeks of winter.
But he only comes in Asian women,
or as he likes to call them, "squinters."
In his bathroom, there was a black midget taking a bath.
It was the world's first, sobbing wet,
three-fifths of one-half.
Trump was at the table,
tricking Muslims into eating pork.
He was sitting on JD Vance,
and JD Vance was on all fours.
They were eating with Anthony Fauci,
and right before they prayed,
Fauci turned into a fucking bat and flew away.
It was crazy.
Biden slept with the prostitute, and after they had sex,
she stepped onto the balcony to smoke a candy cigarette.
Stephen Hawking was on the treadmill,
♪ Reel, reel, reel ♪
♪ Until I hit his eject button and he flew across the roof ♪
♪ There was an Arabic stripper, she didn't take cash ♪
♪ She preferred that I threw rocks ♪
♪ She stripped down as much as a Muslim can ♪
♪ She took her socks halfway off ♪
There was a black stripper,
a smoke show with beautiful ebony skin.
She stripped all her clothes off
and stripped all the paint off
and then she was white again.
And I couldn't believe she did black face.
That's racist, that's fucked.
So I only paid her half price
once she redid all the makeup.
[Bit 2]
-♪ I got dragged to the island ♪
♪ About my friend Leanne ♪
♪ She had a tampon in her purse ♪
♪ But no game plan ♪
♪ There was racquetball and pinball and bad mitten, too ♪
♪ And not a single ball that left the island was blue ♪
Well, I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to miss the show
'Cause ever since I was a young, young boy, I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had FOMO
I had the fear of missing out
I did want to go
But I had FOMO
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“A paradise-island pitch implies a vacation, but reveals Epstein's Island.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setup♪ What if I told you there was a place ♪
setup♪ Where brilliant minds could collide ♪
setup♪ Where you could be drowning in pussy ♪
setup♪ Even if you're only the size of Big Mike ♪
setup♪ Celebrities around every corner ♪
setup♪ And women that want you bad ♪
setup♪ Nothing but nines and tens, folks ♪
setup♪ Would you be interested in that? ♪
punchline♪ Well, welcome to Epstein's Island ♪
tag♪ I'm sure you won't forget it ♪