2021-03-09

Set 6 · Episode 495

Jacob Fuller

Bucket Pull

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·2.00 beats/set·0.19 punch density·1.00 tag density·1 set

This set·2 bits·2 beats·0.19 punch density·1.00 tag density

Watch Jacob Fuller’s set

Skips to 53:41 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I have a tendency to get caught masturbating quite often.

That's how it feels.

The last few times have been by the wife.

Very awkward.

If you're not married, you think why are you masturbating when you have a wife.

It's a lot more complicated than that.

Well, she walks in, she just sees me.

I mean, there's not much you can do.

You have a dick in your hand, there's no hiding it.

And you just look at her like, "God, I am a piece of shit."

And she just looks at you like, "God, 10 years in and out."

There's no going back, obviously.

[Bit 2]

But the most awkward time was when I was a teenage boy.

I was raised in a really religious household.

My father was a Southern Baptist converted into Mormon.

So anything I did that was remotely bad, we were going to hell pretty much.

That's how I felt.

And I was not good at hiding, masturbating.

Oh, shit.

Basically, he caught me.

I had to find a way out of it.

Found a pamphlet at school talking about

how to check for cancer, dropped it off.

Dad, sorry, I was just checking for cancer.

He apologized.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Being caught masturbating by a spouse could be mutual recognition of marital regret.”

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setupI have a tendency to get caught masturbating quite often.

setupThe last few times have been by the wife.

setupVery awkward.

setupIf you're not married, you think why are you masturbating when you have a wife.

setupIt's a lot more complicated than that.

setupWell, she walks in, she just sees me.

setupI mean, there's not much you can do.

setupYou have a dick in your hand, there's no hiding it.

setupAnd you just look at her like, "God, I am a piece of shit."

punchlineAnd she just looks at you like, "God, 10 years in and out."

tagThere's no going back, obviously.