[Bit 1]
Real quick everybody, do a handstand on your head if you're not gay.
Oh shit, I guess everybody in here is gay.
That's cool, I like gay people though.
Let me get a round of applause.
[Bit 2]
Who here wants a free NBA jersey?
Let me see, who wants it?
Whoever wants it the most, I'll fucking give it to you!
Keep them up, keep them up.
Keep him up, keep him up.
It's a-- it's a Josh Giddy jersey.
He's a pedophile, boo him!
This is a bad set, y'all.
[Bit 3]
I ran here from my house about five miles away,
so that's why I'm all sweaty.
But I'm not too tired of that.
I can't still fuck Roseanne later, so thank y'all.
Step up to that microphone. Let's talk about it.
Absolutely fucking terrible.
How unfunny was Old Logan?
-Old Logan was yesterday,
so this is actually the first day of being New Logan.
-New Logan. How long have you been attempting stand-up comedy?
-This is my first try. -Oh, yeah.
-Your first time out, and you chose here on the show
-To see how it goes instead of a...
a room full of people where you could try it out
- Not in front of Sam Talon though.
- I thought he would really like my Josh Giddy material.
- You wanted a bomb in front of Sam Talon, very good.
- Mission accomplished young man, all right.
No, I mean, that is very brave to come up here
on the largest live podcast in the world
and eat your own ass, that is.
- Yeah, if the show was all about bravery,
you would be up there with the,
you wouldn't even beat the gay Indian guy actually,
But it would be a hell of a run.
I work in the box office.
I thought I'd try my hand at a little bit of comedy tonight.
- What made you think that you could possibly do this?
What happened exactly to where you're like,
- Thought I could just like come up here
and just like show my butthole to everybody.
And you know, opinions are like buttholes.
Everybody's sharing them nowadays.
- Did you just do a meme?
If you've watched, you know how much we hate
when people do their first minute here on Kiltown.
- Unless they're really naturally talented
and efficient at it and you're none of these things.
Let's try to figure out what actually might be funny
Tell us about your life, your actual life,
without trying to be funny 'cause you're not good at that.
This is the position that you put yourself in.
While the sweat drips from your head,
I'm just gonna continue to ask questions like that.
-So what was your childhood like?
-A single mom growing up.
-This is good. Keep going. -You know.
-Let it out. -Just hanging out with friends,
riding my bike around, and then, you know,
you become an adult, you don't really have
as many great friend groups to hang out with.
You know what I mean. So it's trying to get out there and...
-If you can't be funny, be bleak.
That's what I always say.
I was hoping someone would come in with, like, the sad music.
-You were counting on Red Bin Sound Q to save that.
I mean, I saw the back that you were so bad,
you walked Fiona, you know?
-Yeah. Fiona ran back to Nashville after seeing your set.
And, by the way, Tanveer is now straight again.
So you are changing lives here today.
It's absolutely incredible.
So new Logan and you work at the box office here
I'm really good at the ticket stuff. Like I'm really good at helping people who here's who here has gotten a wristband from me before
Maybe I should stick to my day job, but you should you definitely have to try things and have courage
What are other things that you've tried give us an example of some other things in life that you've tried like this like a bold
You tried it. -I called out Cam Patterson
and raced him in the back alley,
and I'm the fastest at the mothership because of this.
-You are very, very fast. I remember now.
-And now nobody else wants to race me,
and I'm just kind of like the undefeated champ.
-So you were engaged in a race war?
Is that what you're saying? -Yeah.
-So, you know, I thought coming up here
and calling everybody gay would be brave, you know.
-Yeah, no one's fucking done that before.
-Yeah. Welcome to my minute-by-minute life.
So, Logan, most interesting thing about your entire life
anything that you can reference whatsoever,
any special skills or talents other than running fast,
which I hope you do immediately after I dismiss you.
And obviously, graduating from the Weapon X program.
it's gonna be much different next time.
and yeah, I'm gonna be completely negative
of what I just did, so it's gonna be total opposite.
- You have a question about your entire life,
most interesting thing that you can reference about you.
You ever save anybody's life, almost die,
do anything cool, win a competition?
- Seen the Northern Lights?
Booing the Northern Lights?
You're--you're--you're booing the colorful sky?
- Back to the question where you get to reference
you get to reference your entire life up until this point.
- Yeah, I'm a rapper. - Really?
- And I just heard a song two days ago.
Michael, give us a nice light beat.
Can I get my phone real quick from the back?
- You need your phone to rap?
- All right, nevermind, I'm good, I'm good.
- Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
- All right, Michael, give us a little beat.
Let's try to find out if he's as good at rapping
♪ Don your layups man, they look pretty sick man ♪
♪ How you kiss it off the glass with a lick ♪
♪ It started off, I would dribble at the park as a kid ♪
♪ Now just sit and let me talk ♪
♪ Try not to walk with this shit, you see ♪
♪ It ain't about a layup line ♪
♪ It's about another state in the mind ♪
♪ I see myself, I'm getting buckets ♪
♪ In the defense's eyes and I just slice ♪
♪ It's like a piece of the pie ♪
♪ Please don't reach as I could teach you the time ♪
♪ Come make a rhyme for the TikTok or the Vine ♪
♪ But instead I made a play attack ♪
♪ The lane like I'm a monster ♪
♪ The fucking back food like LeBron does ♪
- All right, all right, all right.
- And I'm gonna keep standing in my bag.
