Set 3 · Episode 714

Cam Patterson

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Career avg·2.47 bits/set·3.88 beats/set·0.40 punch density·1.33 tag density·34 sets

This set·5 bits·7 beats·0.59 punch density·1.43 tag density

Watch Cam Patterson’s set

Skips to 53:08 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I learned something about myself recently.

I shouldn't be allowed to go to weddings.

That's not a good thing for me.

[Bit 2]

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend,

and I cussed out the maid of honor.

Uh, she was a bitch. She deserved it, though.

She deserved it, though.

'Cause like, listen, understand something.

My cousin's wedding, all the groomsmen were my cousins

and my friends I knew my whole life, right?

And I didn't get to hang out with them the whole time.

I wasn't really in the wedding.

So when we started eating and stuff like that,

I finished eating early.

I went to go talk to my cousins who was sitting at the

groomsmen and the bronze maze table, right?

And the maid of honor called me over and she was like,

"Hey, can you come here real quick?

We're all over here eating and you kind of bothering us.

So can you come back later?"

And then I was very confused.

So I said respectfully, get the fuck out my face, right?

And then a fat bitch came out.

It's always a fat bitch around somewhere.

[Bit 3]

She came out and she was like, hey, who the fuck even is he?

And I went, bitch, Google me, right?

The coolest shit I've ever said in my life, dog.

And then I walked outside.

I was like, hell yeah.

[Bit 4]

But I had to make sure I was Googleable first, right?

So then I Googled myself, and it came up.

I was cool, but I scrolled a little bit.

And then it said, "Camp Patterson,

the worst comedian of all time."

I said, "Wait a minute.

Bitch, don't Google me, ho.

Don't do that at all."

[Bit 5]

And then, later that night, I found out

that it was kind of mad at me,

'cause I may or may not have said,

"I slap the fuck out you bitch."

And listen, hear me out, understand something.

I never said nothing like that.

But if I did, I fucking meant it.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Self-discovery could be being unsafe at weddings.”

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setupI learned something about myself recently.

punchlineI shouldn't be allowed to go to weddings.

tagThat's not a good thing for me.