2026-01-20

Set 3 · Episode 752

Tony Starr

Bucket PullManDisabled

Career avg·3.00 bits/set·12.00 beats/set·0.18 punch density·0.19 tag density·1 set

This set·3 bits·12 beats·0.18 punch density·0.19 tag density

Watch Tony Starr’s set

Skips to 48:50 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I remember the first time I caught my parents fucking.

My mom had to sit me down and give me the talk.

She says, "Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they buy a ball gag."

And I said, "Mom, put a shirt on."

[Bit 2]

And while my mom went to put a shirt on,

my dad came to give me the same talk.

He said, "Shawn."

I'm autistic.

And I found out the other day that I look autistic,

'cause I went to the Olive Garden

and the waitress handed me crayons and paper.

And I was trying to explain to her that that's dehumanizing.

But dehumanizing is really hard to pronounce

when you're chewing on a fistful of crayons.

And have a ball gag in your mouth.

[Bit 3]

thing today, I saw a homeless man playing guitar to a homeless woman. It was

homeless love, or as we call it in Austin, love. And I imagine what that homeless

love song would sound like and I think that folks it would sound a little

something like this.

♪ Girl, you have the three prettiest teeth ♪

♪ This world has ever seen ♪

♪ You make me want to bend this used needle ♪

♪ Right into a wedding ring ♪

♪ And I like other girls ♪

♪ 'Cause other girls would never try to street-fight a pigeon ♪

♪ A rummage through the trash ♪

♪ By chewing through the bag ♪

♪ But she's a little bit different ♪

♪ She said her name was ♪

Is it French?

'Cause I love it.

She's the only woman I've ever met

whose love language is masturbating and public.

I bet they say cute shit in that song.

They spell it out.

You know what I mean?

Like, the L in love is for heroin.

The O in love is for heroin.

The V in love is for violence.

And they don't know that there's any in love.

♪ They say cute shit like for our anniversary ♪

♪ I'll get you a loud metal rack ♪

♪ Loud metal rack ♪

♪ That you can bang on if it gets too quiet ♪

♪ And the voices come back ♪

I love that every inch of your skin's a different color.

And I love how every one of your mess-sourced

feels like rubber.

And you have the prettiest, laziest eyes.

And when you daffy-key, you pick it up

just to throw it at other guys.

The world is ours.

I know that it is.

We can write our initials on the sidewalk with piss.

Or maybe we can start a family

and give birth to a miscarriage.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Birds-and-bees talk implies wholesome sex ed, but reveals BDSM practices.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI remember the first time I caught my parents fucking.

setupMy mom had to sit me down and give me the talk.

punchlineShe says, "Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they buy a ball gag."