2024-03-19

Set 4 · Episode 655

Violent J

Bucket PullManOld

Career avg·5.00 bits/set·6.00 beats/set·0.48 punch density·2.29 tag density·1 set

This set·5 bits·6 beats·0.48 punch density·2.29 tag density

Watch Violent J’s set

Skips to 43:04 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I've never had butt sex.

No, seriously, I'm a 51-year-old man,

and he loves sex, never had butt sex,

with a man, unfortunately, or with a woman.

I've always been told my dick was too big,

and I thought, well, that's the shit,

but I wanna have butt sex, too.

I always been told my dick was too big,

but I'm gonna tell you this.

Nowadays, I watch Pornhub all day, and that's a lie.

That's a fucking lie.

My dick is not too big for nothing.

My dick is like somewhere between small and medium.

And it's crushed down like a fire hydrant.

It's like Barney, Fred and Barney, you know.

It's like, if my dick was a man, it'd be Barney.

[Bit 2]

But people, you know, I wanted to announce

me and my girlfriend the other night,

just the other night, for real, no bullshit,

we got to tip in.

That's a big move for me.

It boosted me with mad karma.

[Bit 3]

People always ask me about the face paint

in case you don't notice I got clown paint, huh?

And people always say, "You want to fuck up your face?

"That shit fuck up your face?"

Shit, you motherfuckers wish you could see

how immaculate my face is without the pink.

This shit is like wearing, I started wearing it at 19.

Damn near every day of my life.

This shit is like, olive au lait.

Skin creams, like wearing a fucking mud mask.

I'm beautiful.

Without it.

Like, no, for real.

[Bit 4]

I got the body, everything about my body is 51,

but my face is 19 years old.

I'm that serious, immaculate,

and I don't wear my hair like this

when I don't have the paint on.

My shit is print, pressed, plucked, and fucking curled.

Ric Flair!

For real, my shit is gorgeous.

You know, I'm pretty like Prince.

Can't say Prince wasn't pretty.

Prince was fucking damn near hot.

[Bit 5]

I was so sad when Prince died,

'cause I always knew if I had to fuck a man,

like if my life depended on it, it'd be Prince.

Or,

1983 Michael Jackson,

with the caramel fucking skin

and the gorgeous ass fucking jerry curl

over that sexy eyebrow.

Quit frontin', he was perfect.

But now,

But now because they're both gone, if I had to fuck a man,

it'd be Keanu Reeves.

No, no, not because I think he's hot.

It just seems like he's so cool

and a big-hearted guy, he'll be real gentle with you

and help you through it. You know what I'm saying?

He'll be patient with you. You might even spoon afterward, you know what I'm saying?

And so that's why he's my choice.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“"too big" implies a boast, but reveals a 30-year excuse for missing out.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI've never had butt sex.

setupNo, seriously, I'm a 51-year-old man,

setupand he loves sex, never had butt sex,

setupwith a man, unfortunately, or with a woman.

punchlineI've always been told my dick was too big,

tagand I thought, well, that's the shit,

tagbut I wanna have butt sex, too.