Set 2 · Episode 744

Cameron Illeg

Bucket PullLarge Joke Book

Career avg·1.33 bits/set·3.67 beats/set·0.42 punch density·1.30 tag density·3 sets

This set·2 bits·5 beats·0.33 punch density·0.40 tag density·Large Joke Book

Watch Cameron Illeg’s set

Skips to 15:02 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I want kids.

I mean, my own. I want my own kids.

I want my own -- I don't want to just go look around for them.

[Bit 2]

I want my own kids. I want a son.

I want a son. I just don't want to have one of those sons

that takes his pants all the way down at the urinal.

Like, that's my biggest fear.

Every man in here has been sexually harassed

by a six-year-old at some point at the urinal.

Because you'll be at the urinal, you'll be right there,

stand stop, midstream.

Some kid comes up next to you, gets completely naked,

and now you're three feet away from a felony.

Just all of a sudden, you're midstream,

you can't stop, you have a bad prostate, you're stuck.

And then if someone else comes into the bathroom,

you gotta be like, "I do not know that fucking kid,

"I swear to God, he came onto me, look what he's wearing."

And then you have to explain what your pants

and it just gets...

Just get--I never learned, you know?

That's why me, personally, I'm all for

only stall men's restrooms.

I am only stalls--that way you get your own private kid.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Own kids implies fatherhood, but reveals abduction.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI want kids.

setupI mean, my own. I want my own kids.

punchlineI want my own -- I don't want to just go look around for them.