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KT #750 - LANCE ARMSTRONG + MATT MCCUSKER + TIM BUTTERLY

2025-12-30

Michael Moses

Bucket PullBlackMan

Watch Michael Moses's Kill Tony episode 750 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 3 bits, 4 joke beats, 0.30 punch density, 0.75 tag density.

Career avg·3.00 bits/set·4.00 beats/set·0.30 punch density·0.75 tag density·1 set

This set·3 bits·4 beats·0.30 punch density·0.75 tag density

Oh, what's up, Austin?

I'm happy to be here, man. Happy to be out of the house.

[Bit 1]

Girl's mad at me right now.

Just had a message on my phone. Message popped up.

She looked at it. She goes, "Who's Amber?"

I was like, "Bitch, a kid is missing."

All right?

[Bit 2]

I'm not Muslim, I'm not Muslim,

I know I look Muslim, but I'm not.

I got a white mom, she's very white,

she's on a cruise ship right now, okay?

But like, I grew up in a small town in Canada,

3,000 people, so Muslim people, they pass me,

and they're like, "Asalaamu Alaikum."

I'm like, "Ah, Shamala Malding Dong, dude,

"I have no idea what the fuck that is."

[Bit 3]

My mom's very white, she's very white,

she's like, I said she's on a cruise ship.

She remarried white, this dude's so white.

His name's Mark with a C, all right?

Mark wears jean shorts, all right?

Every time he gets startled, he's like, "Oh, jeepers, wait."

Mark's the way he jumps into water like this, okay?

Plucks his nose, he's a grown man.

I go, "Mark, jump into the water,

"let the water go up your nose,

"snart rocket it up and push it towards

"another family like a man."

He goes, "Nah, it stinks."

All right, my name is Michael Moses, thank you so much.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupGirl's mad at me right now.

setupJust had a message on my phone. Message popped up.

setupShe looked at it. She goes, "Who's Amber?"

punchlineI was like, "Bitch, a kid is missing."