Eric Lopez

Bucket PullLarge Joke Book

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·6.00 beats/set·0.53 punch density·0.50 tag density·1 set

This set·2 bits·6 beats·0.53 punch density·0.50 tag density·Large Joke Book

Watch Eric Lopez’s set

Skips to 1:02:34 in the episode

[Bit 1]

All right guys, so I ended up in Iraq in back in 2009,

fighting for a Taliban.

Obviously I didn't get to do seven two virgins.

A photo leaked out of me eating some bacon.

[Bit 2]

But I did the next best thing.

I walked into a carpet shop and I told dude,

yo, you got a magic carpet?

He's like, no, Aladdin took the last one.

But I got this fuck rug,

'cause I like you my friend, 85 bucks.

You're like, you know what, think about it.

You go out on dinner in a day,

you spend over 100 bucks, and you still don't get laid.

Fuck rug, guaranteed sex.

I'm like, man, you got anything cheaper?

Yes, our most popular model, the goat fuck rug.

20 bucks, no goat can resist.

And I was like, any goat?

So I needed to say I fucked Tom Brady.

- Funny thing happened,

ref stepped in, threw a yellow flag,

penalized me for roughing the passer.

I nutsacked on like three times,

and at the end of it, like, yeah,

that's how like my balls deflated.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Serving in Iraq implies an American soldier, but reveals Taliban allegiance.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupAll right guys, so I ended up in Iraq in back in 2009,

punchlinefighting for a Taliban.

tagObviously I didn't get to do seven two virgins.

tagA photo leaked out of me eating some bacon.