Set 5 · Episode 762
Ari Shafir
Bucket PullMan
Career avg·5.00 bits/set·6.25 beats/set·0.64 punch density·7.54 tag density·4 sets
This set·10 bits·13 beats·0.24 punch density·0.77 tag density
Watch Ari Shafir’s set
Skips to 51:34 in the episode
[Bit 1]
Thanks, I haven't been around stand-up or anything for about eight months.
A little bit nervous, I was traveling through Latin America,
I guess I'll tell you an observation.
I had in Latin America, I learned a lot.
The hardest thing about fucking a street dog
is gaining its trust.
Because sure, anyone could fuck a street dog.
But how many people can get it to come back again tomorrow?
[Bit 2]
I went through a lot of South America, you guys.
A lot of those countries fucking hate us,
I'll be honest with you.
And it was difficult to break the news to them
that most of us don't know where they are on a map.
Legitimately, I was in Uruguay, and people were like,
"Tell the Americans we don't want them here."
I'm like, "No one knows...
that you guys are not part of Scandinavia, to be honest."
[Bit 3]
I went all over that land. I skipped out of respect for Tony Puerto Rico, but
[Bit 4]
I love that you didn't tell us.
You're always full of fucking surprises.
Your dick is in your pants.
This is incredible.
You're a changed man.
[Bit 5]
- No, actually I was watching without
before I tried to tuck it, but it wouldn't stay.
I was gonna come out with a tuck,
too, it just wouldn't stay, and I apologize.
[Bit 6]
Were you like driving? Did you rent a car?
Buses.
Like, you know, hanging out with poor people.
[Bit 7]
I'll tell you one thing I observed that's different now that I noticed that I'm back in Austin,
at least the homeless people in those countries have the decency to be ashamed about it.
These guys are lounging.
I saw a dude out there asleep on his stomach.
What a leisurely way to be a problem for the world.
There's, I mean, I guess it's good for your back,
but there is no give on the concrete.
[Bit 8]
There is a part of Sixth Street
where if you're walking from this side of Sixth Street West,
there's a part where there's a ventilation system
installation system that kicks up hot air and multiple people lie down next to each other on this one spot
it's very very inch on top of a grate and
And there's people just flying by on bird scooters and shit like almost hitting a drunk. It's incredible to see
You gotta try to jump them on those birds. Yeah
Yeah, big points. That's
- That's Austin the video game.
You get big points by jumping home
with people on a bird scooter.
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, multiple.
[Bit 9]
- He's on an episode with Big J Ochresen.
Alisa Deak and Steph Tola have called
"Four Stories About Trying To Come."
[Bit 10]
You're going to hang out?
Yeah, I heard there's free drinks.
I'll fucking hang out.
There's free drinks.
There are free drinks for you, Arnie.
for you are a toilet upstairs I can flush toilet paper in and brush my teeth
with sink water I'm fucking in I love it let's fucking party for the great
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Fucking a street dog implies physical difficulty, but reveals gaining trust as the real obstacle.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupThanks, I haven't been around stand-up or anything for about eight months.
setupA little bit nervous, I was traveling through Latin America,
setupI guess I'll tell you an observation.
setupI had in Latin America, I learned a lot.
setupThe hardest thing about fucking a street dog
punchlineis gaining its trust.