Zach Black

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Watch Zach Black's Kill Tony episode 585 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 4 bits, 5 joke beats, 1.09 punch density, 1.40 tag density.

Career avg·2.67 bits/set·4.00 beats/set·0.64 punch density·0.72 tag density·3 sets

This set·4 bits·5 beats·1.09 punch density·1.40 tag density·Medium Joke Book

What the fuck is up?

I've been waiting all day to do this.

[Bit 1]

My dog's been in my car on Sixth Street

for about five hours.

Don't worry, he's safe.

I left the windows rolled up.

[Bit 2]

Some people don't like that I leave my dog in the car,

but somebody's gotta watch the baby.

No, there's no baby.

[Bit 3]

I just got an apartment and in a building

and the weight limit for dogs in this building

was 35 pounds, but my dog weighs 85 pounds.

So I just lied and we just showed up like a Tinder date.

50 pounds heavier than we said we were.

[Bit 4]

That's not the worst way a Tinder date can show up though.

I had one show up with a penis.

And I sucked it.

No, I didn't, no, I didn't.

Yeah, I did.

No, I didn't, no, I didn't.

But she did suck mine and I just treated her dick

like it was a lazy eye.

I just tried my hardest not to look right at it.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupMy dog's been in my car on Sixth Street

setupfor about five hours.

setupDon't worry, he's safe.

punchlineI left the windows rolled up.