Okay, let's think about what I'm gonna do here.
Do I have to really maintain the 60-second rule?
I'll keep it quick. I'll keep it quick.
[Bit 1]
Um, so I figured I'd tell you guys
a crazy story that you definitely don't know
know about something I invented called the butt chug. Yeah, I actually coined that
term and it was totally by accident. Initially it started with this idea I
had. I said I thought I could beer bong a beer through my nose if they made me a
beer bong that forked into two hoses. So we we get around. I've been awake for
like three days on cocaine.
And Knoxville pours the fucking beer into the beer bong.
I put the hoses in each nostril.
Up it goes, and I pound it, and I pound it,
and it was fucking amazing.
And then Knoxville says, that sucked.
Now, I had rather famously at this point backed out of a stunt which involved putting a toy car at my ass.
So I immediately said to Knoxville, "We already established I don't put shit up my ass.
If I would have left it there, I would have been off the hook easy."
But then I went and said, "It probably wouldn't work anyway."
where I really fucked myself.
So now, like, I'm gonna have to do it
because first and foremost, we are scientists.
So it is my fucking duty now to do this.
And I realize that I fucked myself
and they chop off the two thinner hoses.
So I'm looking at a girthy ass fucking beer-bong hose.
I mean, that's really the circumference of a dick.
I mean, that's like, that's very real.
and I don't fucking do anything half fast.
So I lay right down on the ground.
I fucking pull my shit down and I go for it.
Like I go for it big time.
And it was utterly fucking shocking
how easily that hose glided right in.
I was so fucking mortified
that my buddies just saw that happen so easily.
It's not working at first.
It's not working at first.
And it seems to be a failure,
but like I said, I'm all in.
So I kind of wiggle around.
I start kicking my legs a little bit.
I find a rhythm and sure enough,
I mean, everybody's going crazy.
They're fucking just, "Jug, jug, jug."
as much as the beer was going in my butt,
there was all this fucking yeasty, cloudy,
And the beer in the tube just got cloudier and cloudier
and it was actually too much for the jackass guys.
And they were like, "Oh no, stop it."
So, at this point I'm fully loaded.
I pull out the beer behind me.
I'm wiggling around a little bit.
And I felt it, I just gave it a little, a little too, psh.
I was able to squirt beer out of my butt
and then I start giggling.
I fucking hiked my butt up
and I actually managed to shit beer into my own mouth.
Now, if that doesn't add up to what you remember seeing
in a jackass movie, it's because this was four years earlier.
It was on the first movie.
The butt check I just described,
never even made it onto the cutting room floor.
And it was too much, but now you know.
