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2025-09-09

Doug Polk

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Watch Doug Polk's Kill Tony episode 734 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 4 joke beats, 0.37 punch density, 0.75 tag density.

Career avg·2.50 bits/set·3.50 beats/set·0.33 punch density·0.47 tag density·2 sets

This set·2 bits·4 beats·0.37 punch density·0.75 tag density

[Bit 1]

I'm a professional poker player,

but this show changed my life.

Since my first appearance,

my DMs have been flooded with dick pics.

Tony, can you please stop?

I have a wife and kids.

And besides, I only asked for one.

[Bit 2]

I was at the store the other day and was denied beer,

because apparently you can't buy alcohol

before 10 a.m. in Texas.

It's a dumb law, right?

But the crazy part, these were non-alcoholic beers.

When you're buying non-alcoholic beer

at 9 in the morning,

you know you're a pretty serious non-alcoholic.

You know when I knew I had a late night out drinking?

When I woke up the next morning,

I could remember everything.

It's getting pretty bad.

I think it might be time to join non-alcoholics anonymous.

Can you imagine that?

Hi, everybody. I'm Doug.

-Hi. -I don't have any problems.

It's a 0.0-step program.

It's just so nice not to take any daily steps.

Am I right, Red Band?

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI'm a professional poker player,

setupbut this show changed my life.

setupSince my first appearance,

setupmy DMs have been flooded with dick pics.

setupTony, can you please stop?

setupI have a wife and kids.

punchlineAnd besides, I only asked for one.