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2025-09-09

Mushroom Matt

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Watch Mushroom Matt's Kill Tony episode 734 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 3 bits, 3 joke beats, 0.35 punch density, 0.80 tag density.

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·3.00 beats/set·0.32 punch density·0.90 tag density·2 sets

This set·3 bits·3 beats·0.35 punch density·0.80 tag density

[Bit 1]

Alrighty folks, so, uh, I'm a bartender, right?

I've been bartending for over a decade.

I've made thousands of drinks.

Um, people order some weird-ass shit,

and, like, I don't blink,

but one thing does throw me off, though.

And that's when people order their drinks virgin.

I don't get it. I've never fucked a drink

before serving it to a customer.

You know, I don't pop the cherry

before I garnish your Manhattan.

I love alcohol, but I'm not gonna stick my dick

in your whiskey tonic.

That's a health code violation.

[Bit 2]

So as a bartender, I've had a lot of different jobs,

like a lot, I've worked at over 40 different restaurants.

My friends say I'm a bar slut,

and you know, it's a good thing I can't,

you can't catch an STD from working

at a bunch of restaurants.

Actually, I take that back.

Don't sleep with the cocktail waitresses at PF Chang's

or Buffalo Wild Wings.

They look fun, but it's not worth it.

So did y'all hear?

Okay, that's good.

- Did you want to finish it?

Is it a quick one?

- Yeah, it's a quick one.

- Did y'all hear what?

[Bit 3]

- It's kind of stupid, but they're gonna,

did you hear that they're gonna deport everybody

in Albuquerque and New Mexico?

-Yeah, that's right.

Trump says, "No more new Mexicans."

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

double-meaning

Lines

setupAlrighty folks, so, uh, I'm a bartender, right?

setupI've been bartending for over a decade.

setupI've made thousands of drinks.

setupUm, people order some weird-ass shit,

setupand, like, I don't blink,

setupbut one thing does throw me off, though.

setupAnd that's when people order their drinks virgin.

punchlineI don't get it. I've never fucked a drink

punchlinebefore serving it to a customer.

setupYou know, I don't pop the cherry

tagbefore I garnish your Manhattan.

setupI love alcohol, but I'm not gonna stick my dick

tagin your whiskey tonic.

tagThat's a health code violation.