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2021-02-09

Tony Casillas

Bucket PullMan

Watch Tony Casillas's Kill Tony episode 491 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 6 bits, 7 joke beats, 0.38 punch density, 0.43 tag density.

Career avg·5.00 bits/set·5.50 beats/set·0.58 punch density·0.96 tag density·2 sets

This set·6 bits·7 beats·0.38 punch density·0.43 tag density

Austin, Texas, how are we doing tonight?

[Bit 1]

When I was 18, I lost my virginity.

I'm not trying to brag.

It's pretty fun.

[Bit 2]

Met this girl in college, we hook up.

A few weeks later she comes over, she goes,

"Tony, I think I might be pregnant.

"I think the baby is yours."

And instantly I was like, "Fuck, I'm 18.

"I'm not a good sharer.

"And all I eat is Hot Pockets."

I was like, "This baby's gonna have a rough fucking life."

[Bit 3]

And then I thought about it.

I was like, "We didn't even finish having sex."

Like my first time was terrible.

I grew up religious.

I thought pre-murdal sex led to punishment.

So after a few pumps, I was like,

I pissed off God enough that I just left.

[Bit 4]

When I told her that, she goes,

"Tony, maybe it was your pre-cum that got me pregnant."

And I go, my pre-cum?

And guys, that's when I knew I wasn't gonna like the kid.

Right?

Like the idea of me creating life

without even feeling the pleasure of an orgasm

kind of pissed me off.

Guys, I didn't want to create a pre-cum baby.

Okay, I feel a little awkwardness over here.

[Bit 5]

Are there some pre-cum babies?

But don't worry, she wasn't pregnant.

[Bit 6]

Even if she was, I was gonna man up, be there for the kid.

I was gonna name him Blue After Blue Balls.

And I was gonna do fatherly things

like build him a tree house.

I just wasn't gonna finish it.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

contradiction

Lines

setupWhen I was 18, I lost my virginity.

setupI'm not trying to brag.

punchlineIt's pretty fun.