[Bit 1]
- I have this friend who tries to be funny,
but he always comes off as immature.
Like he's the type of guy who will walk in my room
and just grab a random object and he'll be like,
"What is this dude, your butt plug?"
And I'm like, "No, man, that's a pen."
I'm like, "We can try though."
I got a weird amount 'cause that's a stupid question,
he's gonna get a stupid answer.
Same guy walks into my room,
he grabs my laptop stand and it's kind of a contraption,
like it folds out into a laptop stand.
And he's like, "What is this, a sex toy?"
I put my laptop on it and watched porn.
[Bit 2]
Speaking of porn, Tinder's cool.
I'm always freaked out after our Tinder rendezvous.
Like I get home and I'm always like, did I get something?
And the other day I was sitting on the toilet,
going through symptoms that I thought I had.
And I came across mono and I was like,
And just as I thought that, I dropped a log and I was like,
- I'm not even hitting Chris.
Hold on, slow it down a little bit.
Are you talking about pooping battle?
All right, go ahead, go ahead.
- Wait, wait, wait, the snake is out.
Oh wait, it's a little bit mad.
- It's okay, I speak parcel time.
- Hey, motherfucking Reagan, bad chat available.
So you drop in the log and--
So I was sitting on the toilet and I was on my phone going through like HelloMD or just some medical website thinking like, "Oh, do I got mono?"
And just as I thought that, I dropped a log and I was like...
Wait, how many times have you dropped that log?
Shut up, man! We're not allowed to yell, you piece of shit.
Hey, somebody tell fucking Mumford's Bray Wyatt-looking nephew here with the beard.
Alright, start over from before, I want to hear the "drop the log" part again.
Start from before the "drop the log" part.
So I sit on the toilet, and I was going through the symptoms that I thought I had, and I was like,
And just as I thought that I dropped the log, I'm like...
And I looked down, and I was like, "Is that a mono log?"
