[Bit 1]
- Hey guys, how you going?
[Bit 2]
I don't know if you get a vibe, I'm not right in the head.
Instead of crocodiles, I'm wrestling the homeless,
[Bit 3]
How good's America?
Land of the free, home of the gun.
My only complaint as a tourist,
why can't I get one from the airport?
What the fuck's going on?
I'm walking into Call of Duty without a weapon,
you motherfuckers, I'm gonna die.
[Bit 4]
I'm getting fucked, I tell you,
every time I'm getting on stage,
I'm scaring the fuck out of people.
You're looking at me like you've gotten into an Uber
and realized the driver doesn't have the app.
He's just staring back, he's locked the windows,
he's got his dick out going, "Let's ride!"
Staring at you in the rear view mirror.
[Bit 5]
Have any of you guys looked at the mirror
and seen your reflection, it's so bad,
you've had to take a day off work?
Spend a day fucking, I just wanna be more comfortable
my body. Are you guys comfortable in your bodies? Not everyone gets it. My ex's
mother-in-law, she had plastic surgery at 67. 67, is that... is that leaving it a bit
late? That's like renovating a house three weeks before the demolition. What
are you doing? She got a boob job. That's like taping two balloons to a skeleton.
Holy fuck! It's Halloween! It's the House of Horrors with two ghosts in front! I'm
I'm dating her right now, so chill the fuck out, hey.
[Bit 6]
The sex is no good, and you guys good at sex?
Exactly, no one said fuck all.
No one teaches you how to be good at sex.
Growing up, you learn about sex the same way
An older kid takes you into the woods
and scares the fuck out of you.
