Watch Brian Cook’s set

Skips to 16:54 in the episode

Having trouble with the embed? Open on YouTube at 16:54

KT #671 - ARI SHAFFIR - MARK NORMAND - H. FOLEY - KEVIN RYAN

2024-07-09

Brian Cook

Bucket PullWhiteManSmall Joke Book

Watch Brian Cook's Kill Tony episode 671 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 4 bits, 5 joke beats, 0.48 punch density, 1.60 tag density.

Career avg·3.00 bits/set·4.50 beats/set·0.46 punch density·1.43 tag density·2 sets

This set·4 bits·5 beats·0.48 punch density·1.60 tag density·Small Joke Book

Thank you very much.

[Bit 1]

Now you can tell it is summertime in Austin, Texas

because all of our unhoused homeless neighbor friends

have turned a nice crispy golden brown.

Now, I do not mean that racially.

I mean that like fried chicken.

There's bumps and boils, there's cracks and crevices,

it's dripping oil and spices, it's a health hazard.

You gotta call 311, or don't call 311.

I don't care, I don't care about the Bud Light scandal.

[Bit 2]

I don't drink Bud Light.

You know what I drink?

I drink off-brand Gatorade from the dollar store

with a little bit of fentanyl in it.

I call it a white powerade.

Now again, I do not mean that racially.

I mean that like the white sheet the coroner

is gonna pull over your head if you drink it.

It's okay if I drink it.

I got a tolerance.

I'm from North Austin.

I know what I'm doing.

I actually live here in Austin.

[Bit 3]

I call my house Fort Hood.

That's not because I used to be in the army.

It's because I live in the ghetto

and I'm armed to the teeth.

Try it, you fucking tweakers.

Okay?

Now, let me leave you with a thought here,

a mental riddle, okay?

[Bit 4]

Divorce is like being dropped off in the East Bank

in New Orleans at 1 a.m. with no weapons.

You're gonna be terrorized, traumatized,

and you're gonna leave with nothing.

If you haven't been divorced or been in New Orleans,

consider yourself lucky.

I've been through both,

and I'll take my chances in the East Bank.

Thank you.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

analogy

Lines

setupNow you can tell it is summertime in Austin, Texas

setupbecause all of our unhoused homeless neighbor friends

setuphave turned a nice crispy golden brown.

setupNow, I do not mean that racially.

punchlineI mean that like fried chicken.

tagThere's bumps and boils, there's cracks and crevices,

tagit's dripping oil and spices, it's a health hazard.

tagYou gotta call 311, or don't call 311.