- Oh, thank you, thank you, I appreciate it.
Guys, I have been dating.
[Bit 1]
I actually went on a date with a virgin, which is crazy.
I didn't know whether I should try to have sex with her.
I was going to sacrifice her.
But I knew I was going to have blood on my hands either way.
[Bit 2]
She actually gave me a nice compliment.
She said that I had a nice penis, and she followed that up with,
"You have a nice penis, but it's not the biggest penis I've ever seen."
And I'm all about reciprocity, so I gave her a compliment right back.
I was like, "You have a very nice vagina."
In fact, it's the biggest vagina I've ever seen.
I was nervous the first time we had sex
'cause I thought it was gonna fall in
into some type of bizarro world
where I have a huge cock and you're not a bitch.
[Bit 3]
Now, I hate when you're dating a girl
and she brings up how badly her ex-boyfriend treated her.
That really pisses me off
'cause I'm like, "I could have been treating you
like shit this entire time.
"I'll let you meet my mom."
[Bit 4]
My ex-girlfriend made me quit.
All right guys, that's my time, thank you.
- What the hell was that?
Have you ever seen the show before?
- So I mean, but you kind of know how it works?
That's an interesting thing.
Again, you very rarely set the cat noises.
- Yeah, it's very, very interesting, your reaction there.
You wanna finish the joke?
- Yeah, I was gonna say my ex-girlfriend
She said it made me too honest.
She would always ask me, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
I'd be like, "No, but I do hate your mother."
So we are on a permanent break now.
