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Kill Tony #103 (Ian Edwards, Erik Griffin)

2018-03-11

Lane Smith Jr.

Bucket PullMan

Watch Lane Smith Jr.'s Kill Tony episode 103 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 1 bit, 1 joke beat, 0.03 punch density, 0.00 tag density.

Career avg·1.00 bits/set·1.50 beats/set·0.09 punch density·0.00 tag density·2 sets

This set·1 bit·1 beat·0.03 punch density·0.00 tag density

[Bit 1]

How's it going? Ever since I came on this show a couple weeks ago I came out by my sweaty hands and it's totally ruined my fucking game.

I've had to resort to Tinder. I met this girl on Tinder. Stacey took her out to this house party. I invited her upstairs, got her a couple drinks.

All of a sudden I got the Niagara hands coming. I was like, "Fuck, I gotta make my move." So I whispered in her ear. I said, "Hey, you wanna go fuck in the bathroom?"

She said sure, any time a girl says sure if you ask if you want to fuck you got to wear a condom

Right, so I take her in the bathroom

She's a little dry. So I take out my spongebobs

Wetting that up. I start fucking her right I

Start fucking her and all of a sudden I'm thinking holy shit. I just met her on tinder. Oh my god

I gotta come so I say oh my god. I gotta come boom. She drops underneath. She looks up at me. She says come on my face

So I came on her face, right? The next morning, right, I wake up next to this

gargoyle, I'm like, hey, hey, I gotta go. Do you need me to take you anywhere? She says,

yeah, you can take me to class. Right, I say, all right, UCLA, USC. She goes,

Fairfax High School. Wow. Wow. Fairfax High School was what he said there for everybody

listening to the podcast.

Well that just tells me that your tinder shouldn't be 16 to 35 or whatever.

She lied about her age man.

It's not, you're not guilty if they lie about their age.

I liked everything until it lost its personality.

At 45 seconds you said you woke up next to a gargoyle and all of a sudden anybody could

have said that and we've heard things like that before.

But that first 45 was crushed.

He was here a couple weeks ago and he did 60 seconds all about the fact that he has

a terrible condition where his hands sweat profusely.

We then confirm the fact, like, can you show them?

Can they see it from there?

Like he's got soaking wet hands.

It's like, what's it called again?

Hydro-hy-fuck-so-so-

Hydro halitosis, right?

Something like that.

It's fucking disgusting.

Anyway.

But, point is, is that-

That's why we asked him to.

Well, it's not really a joke.

It's just fucking disgusting.

That's not, that is-

But I played it.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupHow's it going? Ever since I came on this show a couple weeks ago I came out by my sweaty hands and it's totally ruined my fucking game.

setupI've had to resort to Tinder. I met this girl on Tinder. Stacey took her out to this house party. I invited her upstairs, got her a couple drinks.

setupAll of a sudden I got the Niagara hands coming. I was like, "Fuck, I gotta make my move." So I whispered in her ear. I said, "Hey, you wanna go fuck in the bathroom?"

setupShe said sure, any time a girl says sure if you ask if you want to fuck you got to wear a condom

setupRight, so I take her in the bathroom

setupShe's a little dry. So I take out my spongebobs

setupWetting that up. I start fucking her right I

setupStart fucking her and all of a sudden I'm thinking holy shit. I just met her on tinder. Oh my god

setupI gotta come so I say oh my god. I gotta come boom. She drops underneath. She looks up at me. She says come on my face

setupSo I came on her face, right? The next morning, right, I wake up next to this

setupgargoyle, I'm like, hey, hey, I gotta go. Do you need me to take you anywhere? She says,

setupyeah, you can take me to class. Right, I say, all right, UCLA, USC. She goes,

punchlineFairfax High School. Wow. Wow. Fairfax High School was what he said there for everybody