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2025-06-10

Michael Ridley

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Watch Michael Ridley's Kill Tony episode 722 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 4 bits, 7 joke beats, 0.47 punch density, 1.14 tag density.

Career avg·2.50 bits/set·4.75 beats/set·0.51 punch density·1.22 tag density·4 sets

This set·4 bits·7 beats·0.47 punch density·1.14 tag density

[Bit 1]

-Hi. Hello.

I'm just kidding. I'm not that Asian.

That'd be crazy. [ Laughs ]

I would kill myself if I was that Asian.

I'm just kidding. I wouldn't kill myself.

I would cure my hair!

All right, cool. You guys are a little racist.

[Bit 2]

You ever retarded family members?

Anybody else?

Yeah, you're it, buddy.

[Bit 3]

Yeah, dude, I got a super autistic brother,

and it's pretty rough, because, like,

I just remember as a kid,

we used to take him to these interviews

to get him evaluated.

And the thing about my brother is, like,

he's too retarded to keep a job,

but he's not retarded enough to get social security benefits.

So he's in this gray area of retardation,

learning disabled autism.

Dude, we would take my brother to these fucking

mental evaluation interviews as a kid,

and he's so autistic that he'd be like,

"Now's my time to show these people how smart I am."

It would be like this reverse WB frog situation.

[Bit 4]

We'd bring him into these interviews.

Can I finish it? Thank you, Joe.

-I'm just asking for permission.

-Wow. Are you the retarded family member?

-Yeah. -Holy shit.

What am I supposed to do?

- All right, you're done.

- Okay.

- You wanna finish it, finish it.

- Okay, I'll finish it.

- It's not gonna work now, but finish it.

- No, no, it'll work.

- No, yeah, it'll totally work.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

- We'd bring him into these interviews

and he'd suddenly become affluent as fuck.

We'd walk in and be like,

yes, the triangle goes in the triangle hole

and the square goes in the square hole.

That's red, that's green and that's blue.

And then we'd get back in the car and he just.

I'm Michael Ridley, thank you so much.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setup-Hi. Hello.

punchlineI'm just kidding. I'm not that Asian.

tagThat'd be crazy. [ Laughs ]

tagI would kill myself if I was that Asian.