Harland Williams

Bucket Pull

Watch Harland Williams's Kill Tony episode 682 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 1 bit, 5 joke beats, 0.26 punch density, 0.00 tag density.

Career avg·1.00 bits/set·5.00 beats/set·0.26 punch density·0.00 tag density·1 set

This set·1 bit·5 beats·0.26 punch density·0.00 tag density

Thank you, Tony.

[Bit 1]

This is a, I hope you'll indulge me for a minute.

This is a very emotional, emotional night for me here tonight, gang.

I think most of you know that when I was 12 years old,

I murdered my parents.

And what sparked it was we were out in the garage one day.

I was with my mom and my dad.

We were a hockey family.

I caught my dad making love to my mother wearing goalie pads.

And we're out in the garage.

12 years old, I said to my parents,

I wanna be a standup comedian.

And my dad just looked at me mockingly and he said, "What are you talking about, you

idiot?

What do you think you're going to play a sold-out Madison Square Gardens one day?"

That's when I took the goalie stick and beat his brains in.

We were a canoe family.

My dad had a collection of canoe paddles hanging on the wall.

I had one from Cambodia, from the Nuntadtuk region,

down by the Mughang River.

And I grabbed that Korean fucking Mongolian fucking

shucky cheese canoe paddle.

And I beat the life out of my mother, and guess what?

Here I am at a sold out Madison Square Garden.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupThis is a, I hope you'll indulge me for a minute.

setupThis is a very emotional, emotional night for me here tonight, gang.

setupI think most of you know that when I was 12 years old,

punchlineI murdered my parents.