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2017-08-18

Remy Nasiri

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Watch Remy Nasiri's Kill Tony episode 211 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 1 bit, 7 joke beats, 0.46 punch density, 0.71 tag density.

Career avg·1.00 bits/set·5.00 beats/set·0.30 punch density·0.52 tag density·2 sets

This set·1 bit·7 beats·0.46 punch density·0.71 tag density

Thank you.

[Bit 1]

My girlfriend recently moved to San Francisco for a job.

We were together every day for three years.

But now we see each other once every three weeks.

So it takes some getting used to, as you can imagine.

The first week's all right, though,

because you can FaceTime and jerk off over FaceTime.

The second week's a little tougher

because I just want to fuck everybody in the world.

And by the third week I'm just like,

where is the nearest massage parlor?

Because I'm horny.

But I love my girlfriend very much.

- Right.

- And I don't want to cheat on her.

So I did the one thing that all men should do

when your girlfriend goes abroad.

I got drunk and I ordered a Fleshlight.

Now, for those of you that don't know what a Fleshlight is,

it's billed as the best male sex toy of all time.

But in reality, it's just a plastic vagina

shaped as a torch.

But when you get it, you learn it's a lot like a real woman

'cause I had a name, it was called Lisa.

I had to run it above, I had to put some lotion out,

I had to put some towels down.

And 'cause I have roommates, I had to put on a playlist

and no one came here having sex with a plastic vagina.

But after a while with it, every time I come inside of it,

I should be like, "Really?

"Is this what your life's come to, Rem?

"Fucking a plastic torch for the rest of your life?"

And you know, it got too much for me

and after a six-week period with it,

I was moving out of my old apartment,

I was like, "Nah, I'm gonna leave it behind

"like a Jumanji book for someone else to find."

I enjoy that, like.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

hyperbole

Lines

setupMy girlfriend recently moved to San Francisco for a job.

setupWe were together every day for three years.

setupBut now we see each other once every three weeks.

setupSo it takes some getting used to, as you can imagine.

setupThe first week's all right, though,

setupbecause you can FaceTime and jerk off over FaceTime.

setupThe second week's a little tougher

punchlinebecause I just want to fuck everybody in the world.

tagAnd by the third week I'm just like,

tagwhere is the nearest massage parlor?

tagBecause I'm horny.