[Bit 1]
- I just watched the new Superman movie,
and me and my friend were walking out, and he's like,
"You know what? There's no way anyone would fall for that.
Like, just using glasses as his guys.
Like, he just puts a pair of glasses on,
and everyone thinks he's a totally different person.
No one's done enough to fall for that."
I looked at my friend, I'm like,
I know the glasses are a good disguise
'cause I have to use my glasses as a disguise every single day.
Like, with my glasses on, you might be like,
"Oh, this is like a kind of cute nerdy guy.
It looked like I ate crayons for the flavor."
History teacher with autism.
Glasses off, Matt Damon with Down Syndrome.
How do you like them apples, you know?
Glasses on, kind chick fillet manager.
My pleasure. How are we doing tonight, folks?
Glasses off, Arby's manager.
J.J. Alexander has arrived to the Kiltony universe.
This is your first time on the show, right?
How long you been doing stand-up?
- Colorado Springs, Colorado.
- And you're just visiting Austin?
- No, just moved here, man.
- When did you move here?
- Yeah, dude, moved down with four of my buddies.
We slept on two, uh, like, bunk beds side by side for two months.
to move to Austin, Texas, try to do this show, man.
-That is awesome. -I love it.
How do you make money? What do you do for work?
-I work at Dutch Bros, the coffee shop.
-I work -- -When you wear your glasses on.
-I'm giving out free coffees to everybody, dude.
I was like, "Would you like chocolate milk, man?"
-I love it. -So, yeah, I worked at five
-Yeah, I worked at 5 a.m. today.
-Amazing. -Hell yeah, JJ.
Ian, what are you -- -Not anymore if you can do
the impression of a horse.
-Oh, I got nothing, dawg. I'm just --
-Sorry, you were doing so well there, and then, bam!
Brian, would you come over to do the joke-writing contest
at your house? Does he have to wear the glasses
-He can do whatever he wants. -Oh, no, shit.
We don't have to talk about anything at all.
This is the scariest I've ever been in my life.
Yeah, I work at Dutch Bros.
No, I can solve a Rubik's Cube.
- You know what's crazy about that, ladies and gentlemen?
- I swear to God, you're not gonna believe this.
But just a few weeks ago, my amazing team here at Kiltonian formed me about a bunch of new things that we have backstage.
We have all the old stuff. Your famous scale, your measuring tape.
And now added, "Ladies and gentlemen," and this is, they told me this, and I go, "What the fuck am I ever gonna do with that? That sounds boring as hell."
But we have arrived at that moment as I present to you for the first time in Kiltonian history,
Heidi, bring out the Rubik's Cube.
Wow. Oh, he's just attacking it right away, ladies and gentlemen.
Glasses on. He can solve the Rubik's Cube.
-Magic. Magic. -Glasses off.
He eats the Rubik's Cube.
-What if he was just lying?
Like, he thought, "No way they're gonna have a Rubik's Cube."
And he's just like, "Johnny Bikkak, I can do a Rubik's Cube."
-Now, Tony, do you know the science behind it?
It's like a math thing. Like it's a two over, down, up.
Yeah, I don't really get it. I've never understood the Rubik's Cube. I have no desire to whatsoever.
I let other people conquer the Rubik's Cube universe while I do my own thing.
When I was a kid, I found out that you could actually take off each of the squares and pop them back on.
Oh, there is a timer, ladies and gentlemen.
He's at 45 seconds right now.
This isn't quite going as good as I thought it would.
Turns out you're very mediocre at Rubik's Cube.
They used to also have the Rubik's--
Rubik, we're going a lot of different--
The master of Rubik's Cube knowledge, Brian Redband.
Our chief Rubik's Cube correspondent, I had no idea that you had such a wealth of knowledge.
This was our video games back as a kid in the 80s.
That is true. Redband is 51. Oh my gosh.
119. Wow. The crowd goes absolutely wild.
I was not expecting the crowd to be that into it when it was soft.
Glasses on, solve the Rubik's Cube, let's go baby.
