Celia Contreras

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Watch Celia Contreras's Kill Tony episode 492 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 6 joke beats, 0.58 punch density, 0.00 tag density.

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·4.50 beats/set·0.43 punch density·0.17 tag density·2 sets

This set·2 bits·6 beats·0.58 punch density·0.00 tag density

- Let's get into it.

[Bit 1]

I'm a bigger girl, so I have to take two plan B pills

in case the first one gets lost.

I actually think they call it Hidden Valley Ranch

because the more I eat it, the less visible

my vagina becomes.

Also a lot of baby carrots,

I'm admitting to them that they're not gonna lie.

[Bit 2]

You guys like dad jokes?

Here's one, my dad had a really long rap sheet.

Sometimes I'd wrap it around myself

and pretend he was hugging me.

What was weird was there was a lot of domestic abuse charges on there,

and that doesn't feel right. He was here illegally.

I don't think they've been imported abuse charges.

My dad did a lot of drugs and alcohol.

The only good time he could do a straight line was if a dollar bill was involved.

My favorite stepdad was very open-minded,

especially when that .45 caliber tore through the back of his head.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

hyperbole

Lines

setupI'm a bigger girl, so I have to take two plan B pills

punchlinein case the first one gets lost.