Set 13 · Episode 672
David Lucas
RegularBlackMan
Career avg·2.73 bits/set·3.88 beats/set·0.64 punch density·1.32 tag density·49 sets
This set·2 bits·2 beats·0.27 punch density·2.50 tag density
Watch David Lucas’s set
Skips to 1:59:25 in the episode
[Bit 1]
I got handcuffed the other night
and believe it or not, Tony was there to save my ass.
But when I was handcuffed, it was so weird
because my girlfriend was there and she's like,
"Baby, give me the code to your phone
"so I can call your lawyer."
And I was like, "Officer, take me to jail."
I'm not gonna let you have fun in my phone, bitch,
and block all my hoes, what the fuck was that?
[Bit 2]
I don't know, bro, I gotta fucking go see somebody, bro,
because a lot of bad shit been following me lately.
I was in LA like seven weeks ago,
and the Muslim community tried to come for me,
because this fat 400-pound Muslim lady
was in the front row at my show in LA.
And she had on the biggest job I've ever seen in my life.
It was like king size, you know what I'm saying?
King bed sometimes.
But she was on her phone texting the whole time
I was on stage.
And I'm like, hey, bitch, what the fuck?
What are you doing?
And she's like, be funny.
And I'm like, oh, really?
So I'm like, good thing you're not a terrorist
because if you were, it would take three phone calls
to blow you up.
And that bitch ran out of the room
and I'm like a little more of that
and you'll be all right, bitch.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Girlfriend wanting phone code implies help, but reveals threat of exposing other women.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupI got handcuffed the other night
setupand believe it or not, Tony was there to save my ass.
setupBut when I was handcuffed, it was so weird
setupbecause my girlfriend was there and she's like,
setup"Baby, give me the code to your phone
setup"so I can call your lawyer."
punchlineAnd I was like, "Officer, take me to jail."
tagI'm not gonna let you have fun in my phone, bitch,
tagand block all my hoes, what the fuck was that?