Set 2 · Episode 672
Matt Sturm
Bucket Pull
Career avg·3.50 bits/set·5.50 beats/set·0.48 punch density·0.91 tag density·2 sets
This set·3 bits·7 beats·0.55 punch density·0.57 tag density
Watch Matt Sturm’s set
Skips to 21:59 in the episode
[Bit 1]
I'm not from Texas.
It's fucking hot here, all right?
I'm from Vermont. It's cold there.
When I first got here, I wasn't used to it.
You step outside, you feel like Arnold in Total Recall
when he's dying on Mars.
You know? I'll have to fucking pole vault crack heads
and rattlesnakes just to go to Whole Foods.
I don't even get to shop at Whole Foods.
I just look in the window like a fucking hot food section pervert
looking at the mac and cheese just like, "Fuck.
Bring out the rotisserie chicken, you bitch. Fuck."
[Bit 2]
No, man, I'm too poor. I shop at Target.
It's weird, yeah. It's the only place you could get, like, a Spider-Man graphic tee
and, like, six pounds of brisket.
It's a weird-- it's a weird combo, yeah.
[Bit 3]
Guys, we usually come, like, three types of ways.
There's the pathetic way. That's the way I usually do.
When you're kind of like, "Ugh."
You know, they're kind of like, "I'm sorry. Ugh."
Like, that's a weird, you know, it's embarrassing, I don't know.
And then there's the other way.
For some reason, like, we do the opposite.
We turn into, like, Thanos from "The Avengers."
- You know what I'm saying? Like, dude, Thanos is not fuckable.
He's more like a rapist energy.
There's, like, a better purple thing to fuck.
You can fuck, like, Grimace or something.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Vermont cold implies mild outdoors, but reveals Texas heat is like dying on Mars.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupI'm not from Texas.
setupIt's fucking hot here, all right?
setupI'm from Vermont. It's cold there.
setupWhen I first got here, I wasn't used to it.
punchlineYou step outside, you feel like Arnold in Total Recall
tagwhen he's dying on Mars.