Martin Phillips

Golden TicketDisabledManWhite

Career avg·2.77 bits/set·3.04 beats/set·0.58 punch density·0.97 tag density·26 sets

This set·3 bits·3 beats·0.58 punch density·1.33 tag density

Watch Martin Phillips’s set

Skips to 1:48:06 in the episode

[Bit 1]

It was Ash Wednesday recently.

I couldn't make it to church,

So I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead.

She's great at it.

The only ash I have.

[Bit 2]

Anyway, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

So when someone tries to fight me,

I try to have sex with them.

Yeah, I'm like, "Let's do that this another way.

Let's meet at the middle, you know,

[Bit 3]

Anyway, I don't think I can fight many people.

I think I got old people and children,

so if you're under 8 or over 80,

stay the fuck out of my way.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“"ash" can mean church ritual ash or cremated human remains.”

Joke Type

double-meaning

Lines

setupIt was Ash Wednesday recently.

setupI couldn't make it to church,

punchlineSo I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead.

tagShe's great at it.

tagThe only ash I have.