2025-04-01

Set 3 · Episode 713

Philip Garcia

Bucket Pull

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·2.00 beats/set·0.71 punch density·5.00 tag density·1 set

This set·2 bits·2 beats·0.71 punch density·5.00 tag density

Watch Philip Garcia’s set

Skips to 29:00 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I've been crushing up Plan B

and putting it in my girlfriend's eggs every morning.

Yeah, she's Latina, so it's a must.

She's Catholic, so I have to sneak it in somehow.

Yeah. If you really want to think about it,

it's like an abortion inside of an abortion,

which is even crazier.

Yeah. Thank you.

Also, it's like a $72 egg at this point.

[Bit 2]

We're in love, though. We're shitting with the door open,

which is great. I know -- Yeah, it's good.

That's a good place to be.

The other day, she got really scared, though.

I think she paid attention for the first time.

She walked by, and she went, "Oh!

When guys shit, their dick and balls go inside

the toilet bowl with it!"

And I was like, "Yeah, that's crazy.

You put your mouth on that thing."

She was like, "It's in the water and everything!"

And I was like, "Sadly, we don't have that problem.

Thank you for going to that other."

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Crushing pills into morning eggs implies seasoning, but reveals covert contraception.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI've been crushing up Plan B

punchlineand putting it in my girlfriend's eggs every morning.

tagYeah, she's Latina, so it's a must.

tagShe's Catholic, so I have to sneak it in somehow.

tagYeah. If you really want to think about it,

tagit's like an abortion inside of an abortion,

tagwhich is even crazier.

tagYeah. Thank you.

tagAlso, it's like a $72 egg at this point.