Derek Dimple

Bucket PullSmall Joke Book

Career avg·2.50 bits/set·3.00 beats/set·1.49 punch density·4.63 tag density·2 sets

This set·4 bits·4 beats·0.85 punch density·1.75 tag density

Watch Derek Dimple’s set

Skips to 57:07 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I used to be a substitute teacher and now I'm a substitute comedian.

I came here to do two things, tell jokes

and explain Coulomb's law, and I am all out of jokes.

[Bit 2]

Subsitute teaching wasn't as difficult as I thought

until I realized I could just give anyone a bathroom pass.

I'd send half the class to the bathroom

if it made my life easier.

System principle would come in,

I'd be like, I don't know what happened.

[Bit 3]

That's right, I have a voice like Michael Cera,

Kermit the Frog and Jordan B. Peterson had a baby.

[Bit 4]

Someone toward things would happen while I was subbing.

Kids would tell me to suck their dick to my face.

Is that really what you want, Carlos?

With everything that's in the news.

I know what I look like and I fit the profile.

I look like I'm about to shoot up this school,

but I will shoot ropes all over you.

I know I'm a substitute, but I'm no sub.

I will fuck you in the ass, you little twerp.

All Sped Sheeran's gonna play a little ditty

on your prostate.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Came to do two things implies badass list, but reveals out of jokes.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI used to be a substitute teacher and now I'm a substitute comedian.

setupI came here to do two things, tell jokes

punchlineand explain Coulomb's law, and I am all out of jokes.