Set 9 · Episode 597
Uncle Lazer
SpecialManWhite
Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets
This set·3 bits·5 beats·0.35 punch density·0.40 tag density
Watch Uncle Lazer’s set
Skips to 1:23:05 in the episode
[Bit 1]
I've been saying it for a while,
Everybody's been seeming to be paying attention.
The season of the witch is upon us, fellas.
If the little chubby, fat-eyed fucking gothic girl
at your workplace can give you the friendly eyes as of late,
don't do it, it's a fucking trap.
[Bit 2]
How do I know that?
Well, I'm fixing to fucking tell ya.
I hooked up with one of these horoscope bitches a while back.
She was a cancer.
Not in a horoscope since she was a literal fucking cancer
she was trying to kill me.
[Bit 3]
She was into butt stuff, which I'm into butt stuff,
but she was not gentle by any means.
She started off touching my butthole with her thumb
like she was priming a lawnmower.
Then it turned into a hairbrush handle, ew.
And then she reached under her bed
and she grabbed a fucking Christmas tree ornaments
string of fucking steel balls,
and she jammed them in there and packed tightly
and she started starting that fucking lawnmower.
I gotta get my prostate checked daily now,
not because there's anything wrong with me,
it's the only way I know how to come.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Attention from a goth coworker implies romance, but reveals a trap.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupI've been saying it for a while,
setupThe season of the witch is upon us, fellas.
setupIf the little chubby, fat-eyed fucking gothic girl
setupat your workplace can give you the friendly eyes as of late,
punchlinedon't do it, it's a fucking trap.