Uncle Lazer on Kill Tony

I said, "Where you from, baby?" She said. I'm from the bayou, Louisiana bayou.

I said, "Fucking Buffalo bayou,

that's where you're from, you're from fucking..."

He said, "You gonna make this pussy fought?" I said, "Keep your fucking voice down. Keep your voice down." I said, "What are you asking me?" She goes, "You gonna make this pussy a ship?"

I text my mom, I said, "Hey, I met the Houston Live Shark Soul Roadie. I need you to come get me real quick.

You're gonna have to come get me. Hey, security man, you ever made a pussy fart?"

-Happy Black History Month. Got Darnell here. They got that light-skinned feller painting.

They got D-madness dressed like a butler.

Unreal. What a trick.

With that being said, uh...

I got to move on Saturday if anybody wants to.

put the clothes on the ground, you got to lie to the cops about who started the fight.

You don't know loyalty.

And I got so scared that I swallowed a bunch of fucking lifesavers and I started choking to maybe bring them together as a team, you know? To maybe salvage their marriage.

They divorced three weeks later.

As you all know, I was in a Western about a year ago, and it's going to release a couple weeks. It had to beep in it.

And there's really not an acting class for rape.

"Is there anything I could be doing better?" She smoked a little cigarette. How long you been acting?

I said about six hours.

My black friends, they call me in where they're all like, "Hey, Uncle, that's a real ass motherfucking and as a white man when a black man calls you that it's special it's like when your dad pats you on the butt says good game son but boy they

don't like it when you say it back to him I'm playing spades the other day at

And they said, "You can see yourself out." And as I walked outside, I did the whitest thing in my life. I called the law and I said, "Hey, these motherfucking

are playing that music too loud.

Some people got face for radio.

I got more of a face for cuckolding.

He said, "Man, I'd be willing to give you a thousand shekels for your time." Well, let's take a look at her, really. So he, pish, that's never good, you know.

His fucking vending machine comes up out of the bathroom.

From a distance, her skin was leathery.

Up close, her skin was leathery.

And I'm like, first off, who talks like that, you know? Second of all, if you're gonna be lucky to get my little pony, you know,

'cause I got cerebral pals at this point, rah!

She goes, "Hey, are you okay? "Do you need anything?"

I go, "Nuh-uh, my mom's coming to get me.

"Don't worry about it.

Listen, Kanye West said, "You fucking fat bitch?"

It means you a broke bitch, okay?

All right, I like a bitch built like a nose tackle, like a Warren Sapp. They said, "Where y'all meet?"

I said, "In the fucking A gap, of course."

That's where we met, right?

I mean, my God. The only way I knew it was over, I saw it in Hinchcliffe crawl out of Rogan's garage, and he--

he saw this shadow that meant four more years of Trump,

you know, talking about.

And let me tell y'all something. UTI in Spanish is the same in English, okay? She told me she had two pussies.

Well, that second one smelled like shit.

I need that pussy waller down. If that pussy don't look like a mud flap on the back of an 18 wheeler just blowing around

in the breeze, I just don't want no part of it.

'Cause I'ma be honest with y'all,

tight pussy makes me claustrophobic,

you know what I'm saying?