Eliezer Guzman

Bucket PullMedium Joke Book

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·3.00 beats/set·0.33 punch density·0.67 tag density·1 set

This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.33 punch density·0.67 tag density·Medium Joke Book

Watch Eliezer Guzman’s set

Skips to 39:35 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I've been trying to gain muscle, lose some weight.

So I downloaded this new app that doesn't let me

use my phone until I do enough push-ups.

So if you see my friends and family,

tell them I'm alive. Tell them I missed them.

[Bit 2]

Yeah, my luck with technology hasn't been great.

I fell on a Lime scooter about a month ago,

And I fell on my right hand, and I couldn't use it for a while.

And it made things awkward because I'm a righty.

And I ran into my ex-girlfriend at this bar.

She was drunk.

I was drunk.

So we made out.

She was like, I want you to finger me right now.

But all I had was my left.

And the best way I could describe it--

you ever tried to plug your charger in the dark?

I could have sworn the holes are right here.

If you didn't get that, you're European.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“A push-up app becomes so extreme that family contact disappears.”

Joke Type

hyperbole

Lines

setupI've been trying to gain muscle, lose some weight.

setupSo I downloaded this new app that doesn't let me

setupuse my phone until I do enough push-ups.

setupSo if you see my friends and family,

punchlinetell them I'm alive. Tell them I missed them.