Set 1 · Episode 592
Uncle Lazer
SpecialManWhite
Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets
This set·1 bit·2 beats·0.27 punch density·2.00 tag density
Watch Uncle Lazer’s set
Skips to 8:00 in the episode
[Bit 1]
Listen, my mom raised me not to be a fucking quitter.
Okay, she said, "Always see it through,
"never throwing the towel halfway."
Now with that being said, I got date raped the other night.
Now it's not funny, it was a very Bill Cosby-like experience.
Somebody carried me up to their hotel room.
Okay, but when they got up there,
they didn't finish the fucking job.
You see, they didn't give me enough of that date rape drug
where it says, "Give you one, give me seven."
Okay, I got the tolerance to kill a fucking grown polar bear.
I'm a drug addict, okay?
When I awoke him though,
I noticed that my butthole wasn't sore in the slightest,
okay?
I didn't have any lady juices around the remnants
of my penis, so needless to say,
I was very, very unimpressed.
So I did what I was raised to do, to never quit.
So I went ahead and jerked myself off
to complete the fucking experience,
'cause mama didn't raise no fucking quitter.
I used to use the towel that they threw in halfway
as a cum rag, so it was quite delightful.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Surviving an assault implies victimhood, but reveals disappointment it wasn't completed.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupListen, my mom raised me not to be a fucking quitter.
setupOkay, she said, "Always see it through,
setup"never throwing the towel halfway."
setupNow with that being said, I got date raped the other night.
setupNow it's not funny, it was a very Bill Cosby-like experience.
setupSomebody carried me up to their hotel room.
setupOkay, but when they got up there,
setupthey didn't finish the fucking job.
setupYou see, they didn't give me enough of that date rape drug
setupwhere it says, "Give you one, give me seven."
setupOkay, I got the tolerance to kill a fucking grown polar bear.
setupI'm a drug addict, okay?
setupWhen I awoke him though,
setupI noticed that my butthole wasn't sore in the slightest,
setupokay?
setupI didn't have any lady juices around the remnants
setupof my penis, so needless to say,
punchlineI was very, very unimpressed.