2024-12-17

Set 7 · Episode 696

Kam Patterson

RegularManBlackSmall Joke Book

Career avg·1.87 bits/set·3.13 beats/set·0.33 punch density·1.36 tag density·15 sets

This set·1 bit·1 beat·0.11 punch density·0.50 tag density

Watch Kam Patterson’s set

Skips to 52:25 in the episode

[Bit 1]

This minute, it's funny,

'Cause I've been trying to figure this man out,

and I don't know how to tell it for real.

All I know is, I used to be a bully, right?

I used to hurt people a little bit

when I was at elementary school

and middle school and shit like that.

Now I get suspended all the time.

And one day they wanted to call my parents,

but they didn't understand that I was getting,

I was doing all this bullying 'cause my parents

aren't the best parents in the world, you know what I'm saying?

And she wanted to call my dad real bad,

and I was sitting in the office,

and she was looking at me, scolding me and stuff,

and she called my dad, she put him on speakerphone,

And my dad was talking to us, like,

your son's a bad person.

He's gonna get expelled.

He's bullying other students.

He had somebody with a baseball bat.

You need to talk to him.

And then my dad just went, "Hey, Cam, stand up."

And I was 5'1" at the time.

And then he just went, "Who the fuck is he bullying,

"bitch, midgets?"

And hung up the phone.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“A bullying report to a parent implies discipline, but reveals the child is too short to be a credible bully.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupThis minute, it's funny,

setup'Cause I've been trying to figure this man out,

setupand I don't know how to tell it for real.

setupAll I know is, I used to be a bully, right?

setupI used to hurt people a little bit

setupwhen I was at elementary school

setupand middle school and shit like that.

setupNow I get suspended all the time.

setupAnd one day they wanted to call my parents,

setupbut they didn't understand that I was getting,

setupI was doing all this bullying 'cause my parents

setuparen't the best parents in the world, you know what I'm saying?

setupAnd she wanted to call my dad real bad,

setupand I was sitting in the office,

setupand she was looking at me, scolding me and stuff,

setupand she called my dad, she put him on speakerphone,

setupAnd my dad was talking to us, like,

setupyour son's a bad person.

setupHe's gonna get expelled.

setupHe's bullying other students.

setupHe had somebody with a baseball bat.

setupYou need to talk to him.

setupAnd then my dad just went, "Hey, Cam, stand up."

setupAnd I was 5'1" at the time.

punchlineAnd then he just went, "Who the fuck is he bullying,

punchline"bitch, midgets?"

tagAnd hung up the phone.