Set 4 · Episode 598
Uncle Lazer
SpecialManWhite
Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets
This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.24 punch density·0.33 tag density
Watch Uncle Lazer’s set
Skips to 1:08:21 in the episode
[Bit 1]
Listen here, I've been called a lot of things in my life,
but as of late on the internet,
they're calling me the poster child for cocaine.
You see, my mama gets on the internet and she says,
"Hey, darling, they're saying you're doing all these drugs."
So I said, "Mama, I'm gonna quit."
So I'm giving up cocaine, but spring and summer's coming,
so we'll see, you know what I'm saying?
[Bit 2]
But cocaine's a terrible drug, and let me tell you why.
You see what I'm saying?
As soon as you take that first drink of beer,
you wanna go in that bathroom with your best friends
and sniff them fucking keys, am I right?
It just feels right, that's what we wanna fucking do.
But then a couple hours later at six o'clock in the morning you had a fucking stranger's house in his fucking garage
Talking about God and politics with the dude that does uber eats
Okay, and then
There's some soft chubby six that's been staring at you all night
And you're fixing to layer down on that stranger's beanbag chair and give her the old dickens
The only problem is you can't get your dick hard because that cocaine has fucked you up and you tell her listen darling
I swear to God this never happens, but it does all the time every single fucking time it happens
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Quitting cocaine implies resolve, but reveals a seasonal pause.”
Joke Type
misdirectLines
setupListen here, I've been called a lot of things in my life,
setupbut as of late on the internet,
setupthey're calling me the poster child for cocaine.
setupYou see, my mama gets on the internet and she says,
setup"Hey, darling, they're saying you're doing all these drugs."
setupSo I said, "Mama, I'm gonna quit."
setupSo I'm giving up cocaine, but spring and summer's coming,
punchlineso we'll see, you know what I'm saying?