2023-02-07

Set 9 · Episode 595

Danny Martinello

Bucket PullManSmall Joke Book

Career avg·1.67 bits/set·4.67 beats/set·0.38 punch density·1.12 tag density·3 sets

This set·3 bits·3 beats·0.29 punch density·1.33 tag density·Small Joke Book

Watch Danny Martinello’s set

Skips to 1:20:36 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I like Austin, but everybody thinks I'm on drugs

'cause apparently I don't blink enough for you guys.

I don't, they don't, they're like,

yo, you haven't blinked for a while, what are you on?

I'm like, I don't know, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Like, what do you mean, right?

[Bit 2]

And then, but like, I feel like I don't need to blink though.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't feel the need,

'cause the only reason you blink is to like,

refresh your eyes and like, mine just stay fresh.

You know what I'm saying, right?

But I'd rather people think I'm on drugs for not blinking

than like, blinking and think I need drugs.

If that makes sense, 'cause like, this says like,

something's going on, but like, this says something needs to be dealt with.

You know? And they say, "Yo, the lights are on, but nobody's home."

But with me, you know, there's a fucking dinner party going on in there, you know?

[Bit 3]

Oh, yeah. My brother's about to have a kid, and he's worried, right?

'Cause he's like, "Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna get. What happens if it's transgender?"

Right? And I'm like, "Well, you're gonna love it regardless."

You know what I mean? It's your kid.

And then he says, "What would you do?" You know what I mean?

Like, what would bug you? And I was like, "Fuck, if my kid was allergic to peanuts, that would really ruin my day."

You know, 'cause I just think it's funny

that it not brings a kid into the world,

but now it not takes them out, you know?

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“"what are you on" implies a drug question, but reveals only a religious answer.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI like Austin, but everybody thinks I'm on drugs

setup'cause apparently I don't blink enough for you guys.

setupI don't, they don't, they're like,

setupyo, you haven't blinked for a while, what are you on?

punchlineI'm like, I don't know, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

tagLike, what do you mean, right?