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2025-04-01

Philip Garcia

Bucket Pull

Watch Philip Garcia's Kill Tony episode 713 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 2 joke beats, 0.53 punch density, 4.00 tag density.

Career avg·1.50 bits/set·3.50 beats/set·0.69 punch density·2.10 tag density·2 sets

This set·2 bits·2 beats·0.53 punch density·4.00 tag density

-Thank y'all.

[Bit 1]

I've been crushing up Plan B

and putting it in my girlfriend's eggs every morning.

Yeah, she's Latina, so it's a must.

She's Catholic, so I have to sneak it in somehow.

Yeah. If you really want to think about it,

it's like an abortion inside of an abortion,

which is even crazier.

Yeah. Thank you.

Also, it's like a $72 egg at this point.

You know what I'm saying?

[Bit 2]

We're in love, though. We're shitting with the door open,

which is great. I know -- Yeah, it's good.

That's a good place to be.

The other day, she got really scared, though.

I think she paid attention for the first time.

She walked by, and she went, "Oh!

When guys shit, their dick and balls go inside

the toilet bowl with it!"

And I was like, "Yeah, that's crazy.

You put your mouth on that thing."

She was like, "It's in the water and everything!"

And I was like, "Sadly, we don't have that problem.

Thank you for going to that other."

All right, guys, thank you so much.

I'm Phil Garcia. Thank you.

-Philip Garcia.

-I am a little confused.

Why would she say that the dick and balls go in the water?

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI've been crushing up Plan B

punchlineand putting it in my girlfriend's eggs every morning.

tagYeah, she's Latina, so it's a must.

tagShe's Catholic, so I have to sneak it in somehow.

setupYeah. If you really want to think about it,

tagit's like an abortion inside of an abortion,

tagwhich is even crazier.

tagAlso, it's like a $72 egg at this point.