2019-11-17

Set 9 · Episode 413

Martin Phillips

Golden TicketDisabledManWhite

Career avg·2.77 bits/set·3.04 beats/set·0.58 punch density·0.97 tag density·26 sets

This set·3 bits·3 beats·0.25 punch density·0.67 tag density

Watch Martin Phillips’s set

Skips to 1:24:28 in the episode

[Bit 1]

You know, I still get nervous when I'm up here.

So someone gave me advice,

he said, "You know, just act like you're drunk."

So,

taking that advice, I think I'm about to

undo my pants and piss everywhere.

[Bit 2]

Man, I've had trouble with women

ever since I could remember her.

All started in second grade with a girl.

She stole me her nipple.

And I told the teacher.

I wish I had a better ending to answer.

I took the road less traveled.

[Bit 3]

I actually, actually, I work in a school,

and they always have the school shooting thing,

to give teachers guns.

I think I don't like it because of my inexperience.

I feel like I'd be a bad shot.

My God, God for it, here's the last part.

God for it, anything happens.

the headline and be like, school tutor shoots three.

Well, teacher accidentally shoots three more.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Acting drunk implies loosened stage presence, but reveals public urination.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupYou know, I still get nervous when I'm up here.

setupSo someone gave me advice,

setuphe said, "You know, just act like you're drunk."

setupSo,

setuptaking that advice, I think I'm about to

punchlineundo my pants and piss everywhere.